Tourist: Hey, the water is coming up really high.
Local: Yeah, it’s definitely a high tide today.
Tourist: How come it does that? I mean, what makes the water come up so high?
Local: Well, let’s just say it has a lot to do with the moon.
–Pismo-Oceano Dunes, California
Overheard by: janie
Tourist with thick New Jersey accent: These people are so stupid! They don't even speak American.
–Huatulco, Mexico
Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.
–Kohala, Hawaii
Overheard by: BLondie
Male tourist speaking in German: Look at that guy's Speedo!
Female tourist speaking in German: Eeew. And his friend really needs to shave his back.
Male tourist speaking in German: I am so glad no one understands what we are saying.
Female tourist speaking in German: I know!
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: German-speaker
Hick tourist, pointing to the ocean: So is that there salt water?
Island Beach State Park worker, after long confused pause: It's the ocean.
Hick tourist: Yeah, but does it like, have salt in it?
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: sick of bennies
American female tourist #1: So what did you say your favorite condoment was ?
American female tourist #2: Trojans!
American male tourist: You kiddin … Mine is Europe, every time!
–Holland America Cruise, Mediterrean Sea
Overheard by: Vennfix
Tourist girl #1: Wow! Check out the package on that guy!
Tourist girl #2: What? He's not holding anything.
Tourist girl #1: I meant his dick!
–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: Fernanda
Tourist lady looking at photo of sea otter: Oh, you have salt water beavers here?!
Local guy: Yes, we do.
Tourist lady: Do they have a name?
Local guy: Yes, we call them ‘snatches.’
Tourist lady: Did you hear that, honey? They have snatches here!
–Schooner’s Wharf, Cayucos, California
Overheard by: Local girl
Teen tourist girl #1: Why are all the Jersey boys guidos?
Teen tourist girl #2: I don’t know. I guess there’s a lot of Italians around here.
Teen tourist girl #1: Maybe the water in the ocean is from Italy.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Glad I’m old..
Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for… the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!
–Jamaica
Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto
