Baristas

Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.

–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: The JAP

Waitress: Do you want cheddar, mozzarella, or Swiss on your burger?
Customer: Um… American?

–The Purple Parrot, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Hollywood

Woman in large family group, to waitress: What else is in crab meat?

–Seafood House, Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Pass the Old Bay, please.

Serbian waiter: Card?
Tourist ordering drinks: You're going to card me!? C'mon, I left my card in the State room.
Serbian waiter: Card you? In Prague I work in bar next to high school, no I'm not going to carding! I need your payment card.

–Carnival Cruise, Ensenada, Mexico

Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I'm cold.

–Waikiki, Hawaii

Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I'm sorry ma'm, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Beach Bum

Tourist guy: Can I get a banana daiquiri with dark rum?
Dominican Bartender: Sí.

Tourist guy receives a banana daiquiri in one glass and another full of dark rum.

–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Overheard by: Devon

Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She's not working today.

–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus

Blond waitress to patron: I’m like one of those, you know. The kind that don’t make mistakes.

–Santa Monica Pier, Santa Monica, California

American law student girl: So, you know, in Spain, why is there a beeping sound when the traffic signals change?
English barman: That's so that blind people know when the traffic has stopped.
American law student girl: Oh my god! You let blind people drive?

–Marbella, Spain

Overheard by: the future of justice…