South Carolina

You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…

Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Mary

She Needs to Go to a PFLAG Meeting

Mom hands little boy a hot dog.

Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.

David Hasselhoff? Really?

16-year-old on phone: So he tried to sell you heroin?

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: That guy

Is She Full of Antioxidants?

Little boy pointing to black woman: Look, Mom! It’s a chocolate lady!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Jane

The Sun God Smiles As He Rows His Boat Across the Sky

Puzzled blonde: Where did all these waves come from? Did a boat just go by or something?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Megan

Can We Keep It?

Little boy passing by a midget: Mom! Mom! I just saw a people-kid!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

America, in a Nutshell.

Redneck, looking at fish tank: How many of them there fish you reckon I could shoot?

–Ripley's Aquarium, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Lost all hope in humanity

Don't Wish Your Life Away. Let Me Do It.

Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!

–Hilton Head, South Carolina

Overheard by: Arya

…With Another Personality.

Teen girl #1: Yeah, he would be cute if he had better teeth.
Teen girl #2: Or a smaller nose.
Teen girl #3: He'd be cute if he was completely different.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

And Hard to Breathe

20-something girl, coming out of the ocean: This water’s salty!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

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