Gossip

Man on cell: I know — she’s been a proper cunt since she got cancer.

–Freshwater West, Pembroke, Wales

Overheard by: Withy

Small girl: I want to see a penis.
Father: What?
Small girl: Mommy said we go to the beach to see lots of penises because there are none at home.

–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Total Observer

Little boy passing by a midget: Mom! Mom! I just saw a people-kid!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…

–California

Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!

–Salem, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Laura Wilson

Man: In Europe, all little children are naked.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: I heard about that

Gay boy 1: No! I will not tell people you have herpes when you don't!
Gay boy 2: Fine, whatever! Only a real friend would, anyway!

–Boca Raton, Florida

Overheard by: Michael

Man on cell: Well, I didn’t explicitly tell him to kill himself…

–Santa Cruz Boardwalk, California

Knife-scarred muscle man: Naw, man, that’s it — I’m done. I’m just gonna go home and play checkers and hopefully win. If not, I’m gonna play Scrabble and cheat! I just bought a new thesaurus.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: donovan

Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.

–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: Alaina