Teen girl: My shorts are expanding like a tampon!
–Jones Beach, New York
Teen girl: My shorts are expanding like a tampon!
–Jones Beach, New York
Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don’t!
–Discovery Bay, California
20-something daughter: She’s 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain’t married yet, she ain’t never gonna be.
–Daytona, Florida
Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36
Man on cell: I know — she’s been a proper cunt since she got cancer.
–Freshwater West, Pembroke, Wales
Overheard by: Withy
Small girl: I want to see a penis.
Father: What?
Small girl: Mommy said we go to the beach to see lots of penises because there are none at home.
–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Total Observer
Little boy passing by a midget: Mom! Mom! I just saw a people-kid!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…
–California
Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!
–Salem, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Laura Wilson
Man: In Europe, all little children are naked.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: I heard about that
Gay boy 1: No! I will not tell people you have herpes when you don't!
Gay boy 2: Fine, whatever! Only a real friend would, anyway!
–Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: Michael
