Knife‐scarred muscle man: Naw, man, that’s it — I’m done. I’m just gonna go home and play checkers and hopefully win. If not, I’m gonna play Scrabble and cheat! I just bought a new thesaurus.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: donovan

Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh‐huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh‐huh.

–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: Alaina

Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.

–The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina

Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!“
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Sunny Reiser

Six‐year‐old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.

–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Lady on cell: Hello? I need to get a spare tire put on… Yes, the BMW — my son’s car. Well, I’m not actually sure what tire it is. See, my son’s the one with the flat. He’s a few blocks from home, and he has his own AAA number, but he said he called and he got the automated menu, and he got confused. He’s only 20, and– [pause, then] –Yes, I guess I do coddle him…

–Malibu, California

Overheard by: Danielle

Middle‐aged woman to friend: Well, she had to get it long before she could use it.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Tim Berzins

20‐ish guy: I looked over at Sharon and didn’t think she had any bottoms on. Then a wave lifted up her stomach, and I saw that she did.

–Old Lyme, Connecticut

Overheard by: Ann

Dude #1: You know how your girlfriend does that thing with her tongue?
Dude #2: I’ve talked to her about that.

–St. Augustine, Florida

Crazy lady: I told you, I don’t want to be the goddamn queen of Russia.

–Haystack Rock, Oregon

Overheard by: Luke