Gossip

Daughter: Sorry I’m late.
Mom: That’s okay. We were playing ‘Tourist or not?’ with the passersby. Look — those two — obviously tourists.
Daughter: Oh, kinda like when I play ‘Jew or not?’ when I get bored.

–Ipanema, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Overheard by: Jew tourist

Man: I see you’ve caught the sun a bit!
Fat lady: No, that’s just chub-rub.

–Spain

Overheard by: Vertman

Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.

–Starbucks, La Jolla, California

Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.

Mom to kid: Shooting it up my ass?! Not a good idea!

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Laura L. Davis

Girl #1: I was talking to Jess* the other day. She’s been home for a while.
Girl #2: Isn’t she a lesbian now?
Girl #1: Yeah, she was with her girlfriend, Michelle, who was really nice and really hot.
Girl #2: So, Jess is like the boy, right?
Girl #1: No. They are both girls.

–St. Kilda Beach, Australia

Overheard by: one of those lesbians who dates boys

Man #1: Hey, man, what you doing?
Man #2: Oh, nothing. Just watching this whore getting a customer across the street.
Man #1: Huh? How do you know she’s a whore?
Man #2: ‘Cause we’ve been standing here for about an hour and she’s been leaning against different cars talking, getting in, leaving, and coming back. Besides, she’s dressed like a whore.
Man #3: So are half the people here.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Les

Frat boy: … And I don’t really know what happened! All of a sudden I was in an orgy… And you know what? It wasn’t even all that good.

–Pacific Beach, California

Frat boy to buds: Dude, strippers look a lot different once you get them home.

–Grafton Lakes State Park, New York

Biotech #1: Wow. Did you see his new girlfriend over there?
Biotech #2: Yeah. She’s got cottage cheese legs.
Bimbette: Really? Where is she? Is she fat?
Biotech #2: It’s not that she’s fat, it’s just that… well… she’s built like a linebacker.
Bimbette, looking in opposite direction: Hey, look — volleyball!

–Hamburg Beach, Germany

Teen girl: My shorts are expanding like a tampon!

–Jones Beach, New York