Girl to boy showing a picture: This is for Valentine’s Day.
Boy: Umm… That’s really disturbing, is it a bouquet of penises?
Girl: It’s not disturbing! It’s for Valentine’s. (pause) Wait, did you just say “penises”?
–Tampa, Florida
Girl to boy showing a picture: This is for Valentine’s Day.
Boy: Umm… That’s really disturbing, is it a bouquet of penises?
Girl: It’s not disturbing! It’s for Valentine’s. (pause) Wait, did you just say “penises”?
–Tampa, Florida
Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh‐huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh‐huh.
–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware
Overheard by: Alaina
Guy #1: Hey, man! What’s up?
Guy #2: You don’t return my calls…
Guy #1: I don’t return your Facebook messages.
–Woodbine Beach, Toronto, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Kaley
Nagging mother to adult daughter, after sniping at her all afternoon: Your best attribute used to be your personality. But with the life you lead, now it’s dead.
Adult daughter’s husband, without looking up from newspaper: It’s not dead, it’s just asleep.
–Maguire’s Landing, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: oysterwoman
Drunk woman at bar: I mean, we had so much in common, you know? He liked red meat, I liked red meat… It was a good relationship.
–Long Beach, California
Girl #1: I love Italian men. And black men.
Girl #2: Didn’t you date a half black, half Italian man?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: So where’s the ring?
Girl #1: He went back to jail.
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Genevieve
Girl #1: So have you spoken to him at all?
Girl #2: A little. I think he might be ready to get back together soon.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #2: Well, this might be overanalyzing, but his last move on Scrabulous was “sorry”.
–New Jersey
Tall blonde: That’s fantastic, he seems really great!
Short brunette: You know what I love most about him? He gets me… I mean he really appreciates my sluttiness!
–World Pie, Bridgehampton, New York
Chick #1: Why didn’t you kiss me at the pool?!
Chick #2: Because I don’t want to have an open relationship with you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Girlfriend in spa, whose bikini top is suddenly filling with air from the spa‐jets: Ai! My top is blowing off!
Boyfriend: That’s okay, it’s not as if it was supporting anything.
–Hobart, Australia
Overheard by: JW
