Gays & Lesbians

They're Trying to Imagine a Black Dude, Obviously

Queer #1: Charles, look, there’s another one. He’s white, and the other looks Asian.

Holds up large signs that say “6” and “4,” respectively.

Queer #2: Definitely!
Queer #1: Oh, wow. Look at this one. Latino. Yummmm!

Holds up sign that says “9.”

Queer #2: Oh, yes. Totally!
Straight girl, walking by: What are you two doing? Comparing guys’ looks?
Queer #1: Uhh…
Queer #2: Breeder, please. The Asian guy is a 4, the white guy is a 6, and the Latino guy a 9. What do you think we’re trying to imagine?

–Sunset Beach, Florida

Overheard by: MangoJoe

Everybody Dance Now!

Busty tan blonde in yellow bikini, surrounded by 8 beautiful gay men drinking champagne and smoking pot: I mean, we should really just take a picture of this, and put it on a postcard: “Welcome to Venice Beach, bitches.”

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: TheLurker

Just When You Thought Only Dirty Things Happened on Fire Island…

Drag queen, dressed as a princess with a mop: Come in and have a drink! Best place around!
Straight girl: What are you cleaning?
Drag queen: Girl, it gets messy around here, can't you see? (proceeds to use mop on girl's glasses)

–Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Cordelia

And He Reads at the 37-Year-Old Level

Papi #1: Oh, he’s so nice! You know, he’s 36, but he doesn’t look any older than 34!
Papi #2: That’s hot.

Translated from the Spanish

–Miami Beach, Florida

Even Dick Sucking?

Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay!

–Coney Island, New York

And They Say Clothes Make the Man

Queer: He looks so elegant, even when he’s not in drag!

–Provincetown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: DJ Oakes

When Shown an Issue of Maxim, He Discovered He Was Mistaken

Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I’m not gay.

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: laughing entirely too much

Every Time a New Johnny Depp Movie Comes Out, Fashion Dies a Little

Queer to boyfriend: You’d look so hot with a peg leg!

Fire Island Boulevard, Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Bryan

You Were Listening to Coldplay

Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I’m gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I’m a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we’re cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we’re gay! Damn, it’s like P.E. class all over again.

–Delta, British Columbia, Canadia

Miss Manners Says as Long as You Ask First, It's Okay

Queer: That guy sooo just checked you out.
Hot chick: Should I go over there and ask to sit on his face?
Queer: Bianca.
Hot chick: What? I’m horny!
Queer: Me, too, now that I think of it.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

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