Poop

Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl’s frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It’s not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I’ll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can’t hold you poop in forever!

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Millie

Little boy: Ew, dad! Look! Dog poo!
Father: No, I think that’s bat poo.
Little boy: Batman’s poo?

–Byron Bay, Australia

Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.

–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey

Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.

–East Hampton, New York

Overheard by: I’ll never swim again

Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.

–East Hampton, New York

Overheard by: I’ll never swim again

College chick eating chocolate rice pudding: It kinda looks like poop, but it’s so yummy!
Drunk girl: Don’t eat poop. It’s not good for you.

–Majesty of the Seas cruise ship

Mother to young child: Do you hear the ship, honey?
Child: No, mommy, I don’t.
Mother: Do you feel the ship moving?
Child: Yes! I feel my shit moving.

–Carnival Freedom Cruise, Caribbean Sea

Overheard by: InTheNextStall

Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I’ve been drinking all day, but you’re the one that doesn’t got their shit together!

–Huntington Beach, California

Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled “I’m going to poop on your chest, you’ll see!”

–South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Captain K

10‐year‐old boy to younger brother: All mother nature gave you is a bag of shit.

–North Padre, Texas