40-something woman: Yeah, I cook a lot of chicken. I like it baked or fried, but my husband likes when I jerk it.
–Pompano Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nastyasha
40-something woman: Yeah, I cook a lot of chicken. I like it baked or fried, but my husband likes when I jerk it.
–Pompano Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nastyasha
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven't gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
Mid-twenties gal: (shows bottle of sunscreen) Hey, hon, will you cream me?
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: What? Oh, god. You’re sick.
(guy rubs the sunscreen on her back)
Mid-twenties guy: Can you get the rest yourself?
Mid-twenties gal: Yeah, I’ll just finish myself off.
Mid-twenties guy: (snickers)
Mid-twenties gal: Oh, shut-up!
–St. Paul, Minnesota
Drunk girl, after hearing about a “promise statue”: I’ll tell you what I would do if a guy gave me a promise statue! I’d lube that shit up and stick it up my vag!”
–Long Beach, California
Soccer mom to friend: Masturbation… Ejaculation… All the stuff.
–Drift Inn Beach, Port Clyde, Maine
Overheard by: Sara
20-something: You have no imagination.
Teenage brother: Masturbators have more imagination than you!
–Midland Beach, New York
Overheard by: Mr Puff Nubbins
30-ish guy #1: I see you’re sporting the side ponytail.
30-ish girl: Just for you!
30-ish guy #2: Yeah, I bet you’re gonna jack off to that side ponytail.
30-ish guy #1: No! I jack off to the idea of the side ponytail. They’re coming back, I tell ya!
–Summerfest, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the only sober person there
Girl to boy: Damn, look at those calluses on your hands! Do you masturbate with sandpaper or something?
–Tampa, Florida
Magician to seven-year-old boy: Get your hands out of your pockets! God sees everything!
–Carnival Valor, Caribbean Sea
Old man #1: This one girl, she let me play with myself.
Old man #2: Oh, yeah?
Old man #1: Yeah… And some of them even let you touch their tits.
Old man #2: Do you still go to Long Island for that?
–Compo Beach, Westport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Forgot my iPod
