Large mother to screaming child: Stop that screeching or I'll cut out your larynx!
Large mother to large sister: Where did she learn to screech like that?
Large sister: I don't know, ask the one in the wheelchair. (points to grandmother in wheelchair)
–Ocean City, Maryland
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.
–Ocean Beach, California
Five-year old boy whining to dad: Let’s go boogie-board.
Dad: No! You know my nipples get raw if I go without a shirt on…
–Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Lilian
Teenage girl: I can't wait to get a tattoo on my lower back.
Tween boy #1: Why would you want a tattoo there? How are you going to be able to see it?
Tween boy #2: It's not for her, stupid, it's for the dudes she lets do her in the butt doggy-style.
–St. Simon's Island, Georgia
Overheard by: John
20-something guy: If someone offered you a thousand dollars to let them break your leg, would you say yes? I would. I'd say “hell yeah, break that shit in half!”
–Siesta Key, Florida
Drunk dude to another: Yeah, my dad has really big thighs!
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Overheard by: i dont know
Woman, noticing fly on her arm: No, you cannot land on me!
–Huntington Beach, California
Girl #1: You know what would feel really good?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If you jizzed on my back.
–Oceanside Beach, California
Dude #1: Wouldn't it be cool if you could just get surgery to switch your heart and, say, your liver?
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: Then, if someone came up to you and said, “I'm gonna stab you in the heart!” you could be like, “I'd like to see you try!”
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Suprchick
20-something girl: Oh my god! I have wrinkles in my cleavage!
–Adelaide, Australia
Overheard by: Oh No
