Backdoor

Queer: … And when he finished on my ass he said, ‘Hold on,’ and took a step backward and did a back flip!

–St. Augustine Beach, Florida

Girl: I had this weird dream about anal sex last night. I think it was from when you were joking around when I was bent over the sink before.
Boy: I wasn’t joking around.

–Bradley Beach, New Jersey

Man: Shit. I hate him so much. He gets me so mad sometimes. He makes me so mad I wanna fuck him hard in the ass. 

–Coney Island, New York

Girl to friend: Fuck me up the ass, just don’t tell me you love me!

–Manitowoc, Wisconsin

Chick: Nothing is getting in my ass!
Dude: Not even a pinky?
Chick: Not even a pinky!

–Huntington Beach, California

Teenage girl: I can’t wait to get a tattoo on my lower back.
Tween boy #1: Why would you want a tattoo there? How are you going to be able to see it?
Tween boy #2: It’s not for her, stupid, it’s for the dudes she lets do her in the butt doggy‐style.

–St. Simon’s Island, Georgia

Overheard by: John

Guy #1: I can’t believe you did that! How could you? After all this time! I thought I knew you!
Guy #2, very loudly: It’s my butt and it’s gonna be fucked if I want it to!

–Enseada Beach, Brazil

Overheard by: Natasha

Guy #1: I can’t believe you did that! How could you? After all this time! I thought I knew you!
Guy #2, very loudly: It’s my butt and it’s gonna be fucked if I want it to!

–Enseada Beach, Brazil

Overheard by: Natasha

Gay guy #1: Tom has such a huge dick! I swear I was walking bow‐legged for three days! I think it might become a serious thing!
Gay guy #2: I know! He has such a huge dick!

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Dude #1: So, whatever happened to that stripper you were dating?
Dude #2: It’s over. I think it’s a bad idea to date strippers. You realize there’s a good reason they’re strippers, then it fucks it up every time you go back. It’s like, you look at these hotties and imagine all the possibilities, but now, after dating enough strippers, you realize the possibilities include consoling her drunk ass as she cries about being abused as a child while she lines up another rail of coke, then tells you her secret fantasy is to see you get nailed in the ass by another dude!
Dude #1: I still want to date one.
Dude #2: … Yeah, they’re fun.

–LaHaina’s, Mission Beach, California

Overheard by: sean