Teen girl: I heard there are sharks in the lake.
Teen boy: That’s probably not true.
Teen girl: It’s true. Like, somebody got killed here by a shark.
Teen boy: I think you have upstate New York confused with anywhere with a shoreline.
Teen girl: But…
Teen boy: ‘But’-nothing if you wanna get fucked later.
–Lake George, New York
Guy: Ouch! This sand is hot.
Girl: Where are your shoes?
Guy: Shoes? You don’t wear shoes on the beach. The sand feels too good to wear shoes.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Bill
Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.
–Pacific Beach, California
20-something guy to deck hand, pointing to stairs: Do these stairs go down?
–Boat, Boston Harbor
Overheard by: Deck Hand
Teen boy #1: I think those girls look 14.
Teen boy #2: No, dude, they gotta be 16.
Teen boy #1: I am telling them I am 20.
Teen boy #2: I am 17.
Teen boy #1: No, dude, you got to use your fake age.
Teen boy #2: Man, that’s why you got game.
–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jinx
Man: One small monkey bread, please.
Girl: What’s a monkey bread?
Man: I have no idea.
–Monkey Bread Café, Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kristin
Big Brooklyn dude #1: I really wanna see The Devil Wears Prada. I heard it’s the funniest movie ever.
Big Brooklyn dude #2: Yeah, man, but I really wanna read the book first.
Big Brooklyn dude #1: Yeah, yeah! It’s not just for chicks, man!
Big Brooklyn dude #2: It’s not just for chicks.
–Rockaway Beach, New York
Girl: I'm such a Jew when it comes to…
Boy, exasperated: Why can't you just say “frugal”?!
–Atlantic City, New Jersey
Dude #1: I bet I can make Jill* show us her cooter right here on the beach.
Dude #2: No way.
Dude #1: Twenty bucks says I can.
Dude #2: You’re on.
Dude #1: Hey, Jill, I hear you have a tattoo above your vagina that says ‘Come on in.’
Jill: What?! What kind of skank do you think I am?
Dude #1: Well, I don’t. That’s what I heard.
Jill: Okay, I’ll show you when we get back to the room.
Dude #1: You’ll forget. Do it now. No one’s watching. [Jill lowers her bikini bottom.] I’m going to tell that person to stop telling lies about you.
–Destin, Florida
Salesman: Gringo, gringo. Mexican wrestling mask, Nacho Libre!
Guy: No, dude, sorry. I already bought two today.
Salesman: Señorita, one for you?
Girl: Um, no, thanks.
Salesman: Come on… it will be something different for tonight!
Girl: If I wanted something different, we’d be at the farmacia buying Cialis.
–Puerto Nuevo, Mexico
