Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…
–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
Five-year-old (yelling across beach: Mommy, if you pooped out a baby, would I faint?
–Ocean Beach III, New Jersey
Girl #1: Come on, get in the water.
Girl #2: Yeah, it’s nice.
Girl #3: No way! There are sharks!
Girl #1: There aren’t any sharks.
Girl #3: Oh yeah? Then why are there so many bubbles?
–Robert Moses Beach, New York
Girl #1: Hey, I really want to get rid of my short-tan, but I need to change into my bathing suit bottoms.
Girl #2: Go ahead. No one will notice.
Girl #1 takes off her shorts and is about to take off her thong.
Girl #2: Jenny, I was just kidding! Put your shorts back on!
Girl #1: Oh, shit!
–Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: sun-lover
Salty sea dog: And the new LED Christmas lights? They’ll never burn down your Christmas tree. You’ll have to do that yourself.
–Morro Bay, California
Overheard by: Colin
Dude #1: … And the Hamburglar would go to law school.
Dude #2: No, he’d be a photographer.
Dude #1, after long pause: Yeah, you’re right.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Mayor McCheese
20-something guy: If someone offered you a thousand dollars to let them break your leg, would you say yes? I would. I'd say “hell yeah, break that shit in half!”
–Siesta Key, Florida
