From This Month's Negligent Mother Magazine

20-something trailer park chick: This one time I was napping, and I just let the baby crawl around the house. I woke up ’cause I felt this tug on the blankets, and I look down and she was makin’ this choking sound! So I beat on her back, right, and this penny came out. When my husband came home I was like, ‘You can’t be leavin’ change lyin’ around the house!’ But, you know, I just knew something was wrong. Just the way she was tugging on my blankets and that sound she was making, I just knew. It’s that mother-daughter thing, you know?

–Palm Beach Shores, Florida

Overheard by: Ethan

Posted on December 29, 2023
Default, Florida, Girls, Health & Hygiene, Idiots, Money, Stupidity, White trash

Unless It Involves Spirit Fingers…

Pilot on PA: We’ll be making our final descent to Oahu International Airport shortly.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh my god! I thought we were going to Honolulu!
9-year-old boy nearby: Honolulu is the city on Oahu, you idiot.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh… Well, how am I supposed to know that?

–Plane to Hawaii

Overheard by: Derek

Posted on December 28, 2023
Bimbettes, Hawaii, Stupidity

Geologic Time Has Nothing on Family Time

Chubby guy to sister: Sand is rocks that disintegrated over time because of volcanoes.

–The Dunes, Michigan

Posted on December 25, 2023
Fat people, Geography, Michigan, Nature, Stupidity

Fabled Lost Lemuria

Woman pointing to fishing pier: Where did that bridge used to lead to?

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Lifeguard

Posted on December 25, 2023
Idiots, New Jersey, Stupidity

Reality– the Ultimate Reality Show

Stoned girl #1: You know what's awesome? If you look up, you see the moon and the stars, and it's like you're looking at space.
Stoned girl #2 (munching Parmesan crackers): Whoooaaa.

–Saint Petersburg, Florida

Overheard by: i was stoned and it sounded cool at the time, too.

Posted on December 18, 2023
Drugs, Florida, Food, Girls, Sensory Experiences, Stoners, Stupidity

Why Does This Restaurant Hate Freedom?

Waitress: Do you want cheddar, mozzarella, or Swiss on your burger?
Customer: Um… American?

–The Purple Parrot, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Hollywood

Posted on December 16, 2023
Baristas, Customers, Delaware, Food, Questions, Stupidity

Yeah, Until It Melts

Teen girl #1: Hey, you can have some of my Coke if you want.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, thanks [sips]. Ugh, it has ice. I’m allergic to ice.
Dude: Oh my god, really? You’re allergic to ice?!

–Sydney, Australia

Posted on December 14, 2023
Australia, Idiots, Stupidity

At Last, Texas Has Found Its Purpose in the US

Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.

–Laguna Beach, California

Posted on December 14, 2023
California, Compliments, Geography, Guys, Idiots, Stupidity, Tourists, Weather

Time to Install More RAM

Jock #1: Woah! I am so down for some volleyball!
Jock #2: Bocce ball!
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.
Jock #2: Man, I feel like a kid in a candy store… Yo, I am so into this bocce ball.
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.

–Dr. Gravity’s Kite Shop, Harwichport, Massachusetts

Overheard by: jon wazoo

Posted on December 10, 2023
Default, Massachusetts, Meatheads, Sports, Stupidity, Words

By an Angel?

Girl #1 to girl #2 at concert, after girl #2 comes back from talking to band: Are you okay? You didn't get touched, did you?

–Walton Beach, Florida

Posted on December 9, 2023
Florida, Girls, Music, Questions, Sex, Stupidity

Stupidity