Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40‐something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I’m sorry ma’m, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat‐free milk!
Brunette 40‐something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s the same shit.
Blonde 40‐something friend: It is?

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Beach Bum

Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: arc, mich

Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She’s not working today.

–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus

Out‐of‐shape 50‐something customer: I don’t know, the guys I see riding fixed‐gear bikes are in really good shape.
20‐something bike salesman: That shouldn’t intimidate you; it should inspire you.

–Sag Harbor, New York

Overheard by: the lerpa

Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.

–South Padre Island, Texas

16‐year‐old clerk to man buying tampons: Those for you? (snickers)
Tampon‐buying man: No, I have a wife. Don’t worry, one day when you are all grown up, you will need these too.

–Grocery Store, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Hairdresser to client: Hey… Um… Remember when I did your hair?
Client: Yeah?
Hairdresser: Wait, you were there, right?
Client: Yeah babe, I was there.

–Venice Beach, California

Man, answering phone: Talbot Street Watersports, how may I help you?
Customer: Oh, what street are you on?
Man: Still on Talbot Street.
Customer: Oh, good… I was just checking.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: OC Rocket

Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I’m cold.

–Waikiki, Hawaii

Navy guy #1: Do you have beach shorts?
Gift shop employee: Yeah, over there.
Navy guy #2: This is a small. I think I need a medium.
Navy guy #1: Dude, no. Your dick is small.

–Pensacola Beach, Florida