Customers

Waitress: Do you want cheddar, mozzarella, or Swiss on your burger?
Customer: Um… American?

–The Purple Parrot, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Hollywood

B&B owner to guests: Do you two have children?
Female guest: Oh no, not yet. That’s why we are here!
B&B owner (blushing) walking away: Oh! Well, I’m glad we could help!
Guest (softly, mortified): I meant we have more time without kids!

–Bed & Breakfast, Galveston Island, Texas

Customer: Hey, my car is making a funny noise.
Clerk: What did it sound like?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: How did it go, again?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk.
Clerk: I didn’t quite get that — one more time?
Customer: Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk! Vrummm-clunk!
Clerk: Hahahaha!
Customer: What?

–AutoZone, Crestview, Florida

Man, answering phone: Talbot Street Watersports, how may I help you?
Customer: Oh, what street are you on?
Man: Still on Talbot Street.
Customer: Oh, good… I was just checking.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: OC Rocket

Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I'm cold.

–Waikiki, Hawaii

Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I'm sorry ma'm, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn't have the heart to tell her it's the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Beach Bum

Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: arc, mich

Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She's not working today.

–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus

Out-of-shape 50-something customer: I don't know, the guys I see riding fixed-gear bikes are in really good shape.
20-something bike salesman: That shouldn't intimidate you; it should inspire you.

–Sag Harbor, New York

Overheard by: the lerpa

Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.

–South Padre Island, Texas