On the phone

Guy on cell: All you have to do is suck one cock and they’ll call you a cocksucker for the rest of your life.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: Harell

Fake tanned, bleach blonde woman loudly into phone: I mean, have you seen Alice lately? Forget the Brazilian wax, she needs to have the whole South American!

–Manly Beach, Sydney

Overheard by: anotherpassenger

Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Tigertail

Teen girl on cell: It doesn't have feces in it?

–Malibu, California

Conservative mom on cell: Julia, you just can’t bring your kids here and let them swim naked… What? Yes, Julia, it’s illegal.

–51st Street, Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Unexpecting Beach Reader

Girl on phone: I have good news and bad news! The good news is I'm not pregnant. The bad news is I need new jeans!

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: Grossed out but laughing

Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: K

Cute Jewish on cell, to mother: Are you calling me just to fucking nag? Cuz if you are, I am hanging up. (pause) I don't know, I'm going to do what every Jew does on Christmas, go to the movies and eat Chinese food!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Woman on cell: No, it wasn’t a yeast infection. It’s not a fishy smell, and I have cramps. I never get cramps!… Yeah…Maybe that’s why he’s not calling me back.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Kimmie David

16-year-old on phone: So he tried to sell you heroin?

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: That guy