Stupidity

Teenage girl: Wait, so what time is midnight tonight?

–Punta Cana, Mexico

Lifeguard on megaphone: Attention, beach‐goers, due to the sunset, you must get out in 5 minutes or else we will turn the waves off.
Girl: Oh my God! Is he serious?!

–Huntington Beach, California

Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40‐something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I’m sorry ma’m, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat‐free milk!
Brunette 40‐something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s the same shit.
Blonde 40‐something friend: It is?

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Beach Bum

Redneck girl: Frank was out fishing with the guy who drowned yesterday.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he try to save him?
Redneck girl: No, he was fishing — I told you. He thought he had one on the line.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he?
Redneck girl: No, it was just the water.
Redneck boyfriend: I thought you were gonna say it was the guy who drowned.

–Holland State Park, Michigan

Overheard by: Townie

Blonde: Why did they make the sun so hot?

–Tampa, Florida

Teen girl #1 is making a crease in her towel and filling it with sand.

Teen girl #2: What the fuck are you doing?
Teen girl #1: Look! It’s ‘de Nile’!
Teen girl #2: What? You mean the Nile River? How could that be the Nile River? There’s no water involved!
Teen girl #1, after long pause: Well… Has anyone ever told you that you look like Danny DeVito?

–Jericho Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: bondgirl

Pompous failed astronomer: So, the reason there was a half moon last night was that the Earth gets in between the sun and the moon [arranges water bottles to demonstrate]. It’s kind of like an eclipse, but the Earth only covers half the moon, so you see the rest.
Chick: Oh, okay. Interesting.
Pompous failed astronomer: It’s really just thinking logically. Something has to cast a shadow on the moon.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: not the only one laughing at him

Teenage girl #1: Wait, if there’s a Mrs. Claus and Santa, then how come he doesn’t have any kids?
Teenage girl #2: Well, all the children in the world are his kids.
Teenage girl #1: Santa’s kind of a pedophile if you think about it. Like, I’ll sneak into your house and give you presents if you love me.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, ew.

–Misquamicit Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Amanda

Ditzy blonde tourist: I’m in New York City, and I have no idea what to do.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Mimi

Idiot chick #1: Oh my god! This sand is sooo much hotter than it was this morning!
Idiot chick #2: Yeah, this morning it wasn’t that hot!
Idiot chick #3: But now it’s really hot!
Idiot chick #2: Yeah!
Idiot chick #1: Not like this morning.
Idiot chick #3: Yeah… It wasn’t that hot this morning.
(brief pause)
Idiot chick #1: Yeah…

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Suzanne