Girl: Oh my god, the water is so cold! I think my vagina is numb.
Guy: I hate when that happens.

–Grand Haven, Michigan

Overheard by: Lisa

Kid #1: [Inaudible.]Kid #2: That’s the noise your mom made when I punched her in the eye with my dick.

–Beach restroom, Grand Haven, Michigan

Redneck girl: Frank was out fishing with the guy who drowned yesterday.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he try to save him?
Redneck girl: No, he was fishing — I told you. He thought he had one on the line.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he?
Redneck girl: No, it was just the water.
Redneck boyfriend: I thought you were gonna say it was the guy who drowned.

–Holland State Park, Michigan

Overheard by: Townie

Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year‐Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!

–Howell, Michigan

Overheard by: Catherine

Fat girl, to friend: That tan girl looks better in my bikini than I do.
Random guy walking by: Yeah, she does.

–Traverse City, Michigan

Overheard by: Cari

Teen girl #1: Oh my god, you can see his balls!
Teen girl #2: There’s nothing grosser than dad‐balls.
Teen girl #1: Grandpa‐balls!

–Stoney, Michigan

Overheard by: Waggies

Girl #1: Who really invented pizza?
Girl #2: I think it was the Africans.
Guy: Africans? Come on, they’re still not eating pizza.

–Mt. Clemens, Michigan

Overheard by: Lauren

Thin little girl: Let me see it! Let me see it!
Fat little girl: No! MY dead fish!

–Lake Erie, Monroe, Michigan

Overheard by: sandra g

Woman: Her shorts were kinda baggy so she just tucked them under her boobs.

–Warren Dunes, Michigan

Overheard by: Syd O’Banion

Mom: Hey, Jason! I’ll give you fiiive dollars if you can catch a seagull!
Kid: So?
Mom: That’s like… eight Twinkies! [Kid begins chasing gulls.] Oh, look, he’s trying to hit them with rocks!

–South Haven, Michigan