Two Liters Of Beer Goggles, Stat!

Sober girl in crowded bar: I forgot what assholes people are.

–dive bar in Santa Cruz

Posted on July 8, 2023
California, Feelings, Girls, Gripes, Insults

Ima Bust a Cap in the Damn Space-Time Continuum, Nome Sayin'?

Thug #1: It don’t feel like Sunday.
Thug #2: Yo, it don’t feel like a day of the week.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Overheard by: monkeybaba

Posted on July 5, 2023
Feelings, Florida, Idiots, Stupidity, Thugs, Time

New Yorkers Say "Excuse Me, Motherfucker"

Overly tan muscle man at crowded parade: You can tell people who aren’t from New York cause they say “Excuse me”.

–Coney Island, New York

Posted on July 5, 2023
Compare and contrast, Feelings, Meatheads, New York, Weirdness

An Overabundance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing

Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]Long Island husband: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!
Long Island wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks!

–West Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too

Posted on July 2, 2023
Couples, Dads, Default, Family, Feelings, Florida, Insults, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Swimming, Wishes, Words

If This Were a Porno, She'd Feel Them For You.

Freezing 20-something to boyfriend: I can't feel my nipples! I can't feel my nipples! Oh my god! That water's so freaking cold! (to friend) Brenda*! I can't feel my nipples!

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: I wish I could

Posted on June 26, 2023
Body parts, Couples, Feelings, New York, Sensory Experiences

You Mean Emo? Because That's Not Rock

Dude: I’m looking for a rock that represents me.

–Sandy Neck Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Katherine

Posted on June 12, 2023
Default, Feelings, Guys, Idiots, Massachusetts, Nature

Their Brains Are in a League of Their Own

Movie critic #1: You know that movie, with Tom Hanks, where he plays the drunk baseball player? And the women are the players because the men are gone?
Movie critic #2: Where?
Movie critic #3: To war.
Movie critic #2: So the women played baseball? That wasn’t a movie.
Movie critic #1: You know, the movie has that star that’s on TV. Bette Davis’ daughter.
Movie critic #3: Who?

Debate goes on for several minutes.

Movie critic #1: Wait, it’s Geena Davis! She’s Betty Davis’ daughter! See the resemblence in the eyes?
Movie critic #3: Didn’t Betty Davis hate Geena because she was tall?
Movie critic #1: Well, she got the part anyway, didn’t she? Geesh, I wish I could remember the name of that movie!

–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts