Mother to teen daughter: I want the stuff they won’t let you buy.
–Medicine aisle of supermarket, Bethany Beach, Delaware
Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!
–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny
Bimbette: Yeah, I love that show. They show clips from all around the world like Britain and the UK and stuff.
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sarah
Guy #1: What I can’t understand is, $5,000 an hour for a hooker? How good can pussy be?
Woman #1: And where did he get that kind of money on a public official’s salary?
Guy #2: He could have cruised tenth avenue and gotten the same poontang for twenty bucks.
Woman #2: I don’t have to worry about Frank going to hookers. He won’t even use a bottle of ketchup if it’s already been opened.
–Italian Restaurant, Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Teen boy: Ugh. This tanning oil gets so hot! Maybe it will fry off my back zits. Hey, move over, I want to lay down so the sun will burn off my back zits.
–Beach, Rhode Island
Middle-aged lady #1: He keeps calling me on the cell phone telling me he’ll be right there and I’m like, ‘I’ve been waiting 25 years, I’m leaving!’
Middle-aged lady #2: And my poor granddaughter is there, and we’re all hugging on each other…
–Cabrillo Beach, California
Overheard by: confused
Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I’m not gay.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: laughing entirely too much
Teen girl #1: Are you done yet?
Teen girl #2: Still haven’t done it yet… By the way, you might not want to get in the way of the current!
Boy: Gross! She’s peeing!
Teen girl #2: Shhh! Everyone can hear you!
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!
–New Zealand
Girl: I didn’t realize my nipples were dark until I went to sleep-away camp and the girls in my tent were like: “Um. Wow.” I went topless in Jamaica and they were, like, black when I came back.
–Long Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
