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Pale nerd to posse: So I took out my super big blue Chakra shotgun and I said…

–Seal Beach, California

Chick #1: So, where are you going for your trip?
Chick #2: Thailand!
Chick #1: Cool! I worked with a guy from Korea once!
Chick #2: Ummm, yeah, that’s not the same, really.
Chick #1: It’s not? Oh… Things must be different now than from when he lived there.

–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: American Goods

Wet teen boy #1, rubbing eyes: My eyes hurt.
Wet teen boy #2: From the salt?
Wet teen boy #1: Nah. I’ve been outside for two days. They’re used to video game light only.

–Bradley Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: long time mom

Old lady at car: Henry, wait for me!
Old man carrying beach chairs half a block ahead of her: Dammit, Agnes, I’m going! I’ve been waiting for you for 40 years!

–Beach near Naples, Florida

Overheard by: X

Guy #1: Oh, shit, I just realized we’re in Tampa!
Guy #2: So?
Guy #1: Tampa!
Guy #2: Oh, bukkake, right?

–St. Petersburg Beach, Florida

Local dude, trying to get me to buy a jet-ski ride: You can drink and drive. It’s paradise!

–Paradise Island, The Bahamas

Overheard by: Drunken Swimmer

Girl #1: She’s such a ditz. She’s in a band called ‘Bitch Slap,’ and they all wear matching shirts that say ‘Bitch Slap.’
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!
Girl #1: They do so!
Girl #2: They do not!

–Coffs Harbour, Australia

Little girl: Are you a mom? You look like a mom.
College student: No. How old do you think I am?
Little girl: Fifteen?

–Palm City, Florida

Overheard by: MBD

20-Something chick #1: So Brad and I went up to the mountains with his friend Greg and Greg’s fiancé. Brad and Greg went out to unpack the car, and she and I just started going at it.
30-Something chick #2: You guys were making out?
30-Something chick #1: It was way intense.
30-Something chick #2: Wow.
30-Something chick #1: Then Brad and Greg came back in the house, and Greg started, like, totally freaking out. I mean, he just wasn’t, like…feeling my openness!

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: gefiltepez

Tourist lady: Do you know when the dolphin show is?
Lifeguard: Uh, yeah, I think the truck just came with all the dolphins in it… should be in about half an hour.
Tourist lady: Oh, great! Thank you.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Laughing Local