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Teen tourist: Oh my God, there’s a high school over there! Wait, does that mean people actually live here? I thought it was just a tourist place. Weird.

–Aruba

Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mandy

40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea!

–La Jolla, California

Overheard by: Confetti Bomb

Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.

–Charlestown, Rhode Island

Aristocrat: Muscles are trashy.

–Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Spencer

20-something girl, coming out of the ocean: This water’s salty!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.

–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: Alaina

Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I’m gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I’m a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we’re cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we’re gay! Damn, it’s like P.E. class all over again.

–Delta, British Columbia, Canadia

Son: These are pretty good.
Dad: Yeah, they’re not bad if you soak them in your mouth like sausage.

–Nauset Light Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith

Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?

–Carolina Beach, North Carolina