Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!
–Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire
Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!
–Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire
30-ish guy #1: I see you’re sporting the side ponytail.
30-ish girl: Just for you!
30-ish guy #2: Yeah, I bet you’re gonna jack off to that side ponytail.
30-ish guy #1: No! I jack off to the idea of the side ponytail. They’re coming back, I tell ya!
–Summerfest, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the only sober person there
Reporter: Hey girls, do you have anything you want to say to the camera?
Drunk girl #1: Hi, mum… I’m not that drunk…
Drunk girl #2: And I’m still a virgin!
–Schoolies Week, Gold Coast, Australia
Woman: It wasn’t a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.
–Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Andrea
Girl: We have to start drinking. It’s the only thing that will make us feel normal.
–Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Amy
Asian girl: He fell in my hole and won’t get out!
–Long Beach, New York
Little boy: Mom, Jewish people are from the desert, right?
Mom: Yeah.
Little boy: So why are they in Miami?
Mom: The beach is like a desert — with water, though.
Little boy: Oh. What about black people?
Mom: Sweetie, they’re just tan. They’re all just tan. Now go play. [pause] It’s like I’m healing the world.
–Miami, Florida
Ditzy chick: What are you doing today?
Skater kid: Chillin’ like a villain.
Other girl: The ’90s called – they want ‘Chillin’ like a villain’ back.
Ditzy chick: How do the ’90s call?
–Ventnor, New Jersey
Man on a bike, on cell: Is this where you become an evil bitch?
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ilyse
