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Dude: I’m looking for a rock that represents me.

–Sandy Neck Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Katherine

Man on cell: What? What’s up with the banana skirt? How come I don’t get a banana skirt?

–Waikiki, Honolulu, Hawaii

Teen tourist: Oh my God, there’s a high school over there! Wait, does that mean people actually live here? I thought it was just a tourist place. Weird.

–Aruba

Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mandy

40-year-old yuppie man: Yeah! I think a detox kiosk is a great idea!

–La Jolla, California

Overheard by: Confetti Bomb

Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.

–Charlestown, Rhode Island

Aristocrat: Muscles are trashy.

–Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Spencer

20-something girl, coming out of the ocean: This water’s salty!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Girl #1: I mean, I could force a relationship right now. I just don’t want to.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.
Girl #1: We really don’t have that much in common.
Girl #2: Uh-huh.

–Dewey Beach, Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: Alaina

Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I’m gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I’m a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we’re cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we’re gay! Damn, it’s like P.E. class all over again.

–Delta, British Columbia, Canadia