Fat lady screaming: Taneesha! Homegirl, get yo’ ass in here and see this! There be more sand up in my vah‐jay‐jay than the Saharia desert!

–Dressing room, Montego Bay, Jamaica

Overheard by: Erin

Mother to young child: Do you hear the ship, honey?
Child: No, mommy, I don’t.
Mother: Do you feel the ship moving?
Child: Yes! I feel my shit moving.

–Carnival Freedom Cruise, Caribbean Sea

Overheard by: InTheNextStall

Bikini blonde #1: I’m not dumb, I’m on vacation.
Bikini blonde #2: The ocean makes me wet.

–Varadero, Cuba

Overheard by: beach ginger

Girl #1: Our table looks lonely.
Girl #2: Why cause we have no friends?
Girl #1: No. Cause we have no drinks!


Overheard by: kiki

Fat blubbery man to wife: C’mon already! Let’s go in the water – I gotta take a piss!


Overheard by: Grossed Out

Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for… the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!


Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto

Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six‐year‐old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn’t leave us alone.

–Bridgetown, Barbados

Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We’ve been looking for other people who speak Canadian!
American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.
Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!

–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Man, carrying two hands full of knives: Knives for sale! Knives for sale! 100 dollars! Getting tired of your brother, your cousin, your mother‐in‐law? Knives for sale! You feeling suicidal? Knives! Knives for sale! 100 dollars!

–Montego Bay, Jamaica

Overheard by: Elle

Girl #1: Because I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Oh, really? I didn’t know.
Girl #1: Yeah, I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because I’m not talking to him.
Girl #2: Ohhhh.

–Cavehill, Barbados