Fat lady screaming: Taneesha! Homegirl, get yo’ ass in here and see this! There be more sand up in my vah-jay-jay than the Saharia desert!

–Dressing room, Montego Bay, Jamaica

Overheard by: Erin

Mother to young child: Do you hear the ship, honey?
Child: No, mommy, I don't.
Mother: Do you feel the ship moving?
Child: Yes! I feel my shit moving.

–Carnival Freedom Cruise, Caribbean Sea

Overheard by: InTheNextStall

Bikini blonde #1: I'm not dumb, I'm on vacation.
Bikini blonde #2: The ocean makes me wet.

–Varadero, Cuba

Overheard by: beach ginger

Girl #1: Our table looks lonely.
Girl #2: Why cause we have no friends?
Girl #1: No. Cause we have no drinks!


Overheard by: kiki

Fat blubbery man to wife: C'mon already! Let's go in the water–I gotta take a piss!


Overheard by: Grossed Out

Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for… the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!


Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto

Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six-year-old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn't leave us alone.

–Bridgetown, Barbados

Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We’ve been looking for other people who speak Canadian!
American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.
Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!

–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Man, carrying two hands full of knives: Knives for sale! Knives for sale! 100 dollars! Getting tired of your brother, your cousin, your mother-in-law? Knives for sale! You feeling suicidal? Knives! Knives for sale! 100 dollars!

–Montego Bay, Jamaica

Overheard by: Elle

Girl #1: Because I'm not talking to him.
Girl #2: Oh, really? I didn't know.
Girl #1: Yeah, I'm not talking to him.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Because I'm not talking to him.
Girl #2: Ohhhh.

–Cavehill, Barbados