Guy passing huge Jesus statue: I wanna fuck his stigmata.

–Lincoln Avenue, South Beach, Florida

Guy #1: Okay, dude — if you could, which one of us would you sleep with?
Queer, looking back and forth, then staring at Guy #2: I have been dreaming of sitting on your face and using your ears as bicycle pedals…
Guy #2: Uh… What?

–Papas and Beer, Ensenada, Mexico

Overheard by: Alcaeus

Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.

–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey

Guy: Look, Jen — I’ll fuck you, I’ll spank you, I’ll tie you up, and I’ll piss on you, but I am not getting back into a relationship with you.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Girl to friend: He was upset because she wouldn't let him cum on her face!

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Guy #1: Oh, shit, I just realized we’re in Tampa!
Guy #2: So?
Guy #1: Tampa!
Guy #2: Oh, bukkake, right?

–St. Petersburg Beach, Florida

Girl #1: You know what would feel really good?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: If you jizzed on my back.

–Oceanside Beach, California

Dude #1: That girl is hot!
Dude #2: I’d like to duct tape her to a chair!
Dude #2’s girlfriend: You’re into that?

–Dewey Beach, Delaware

Teen girl to friend: It was kind of like a pornographic clown.

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Woman: Is there anything we haven’t done yet?
Man: I haven’t fucked you with an electric toothbrush.
Woman: You’re sick.

–Santa Cruz, California