Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
–St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
–St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
–Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.
Drunk guy to girl: Hey, heeeeey. Sometimes I think about dolphins.
Girl (annoyed): Okay…
Drunk guy: Yes! See, they have sex for pleasure, like humans.
(girl giggles and walks away with friends)
–Smith Mountain Lake, Virginia
Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade.
–Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida
College student to friend: I watch less porn when I have a girlfriend…I don’t know why.
–Daytona Beach, Florida
[Guy on Harley drives by with Pat Benatar’s “Love Is a Battlefield” blasting.]Chubby girl #1: What the hell?
Chubby girl #2: That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.
–Bookfair, St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: Jamie
Blonde teen: On a scale from 1 to 10, how slutty am I?
Brunette teen: 10.
Blonde teen: What? Oh my god, you bitch!
Brunette: You tried to hook up with my father.
Blonde: Oh, yeah…
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Erin
Little girl to mom: The seaweed tickles! It's like Baby Jesus is underwater, tickling my feet himself!
–Vero Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Incredulous
Tourist: What a beautiful day! If it were a girl I’d take her home and eat her pussy out all night!
–Nags Head, North Carolina
Teenage girl in expensive yoga pants to meek mother: Move to France? Why the hell would I move to France? That's the dumbest thing I've heard you say in, like, forever. Stop trying to live your, like, stupid dreams and stuff through me!
–Coffee Shop in the Beach, Toronto, Canadia
