Knife‐scarred muscle man: Naw, man, that’s it — I’m done. I’m just gonna go home and play checkers and hopefully win. If not, I’m gonna play Scrabble and cheat! I just bought a new thesaurus.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: donovan

Beefy guy to group of beefy friends: Pomegranate and Red Bull? That’s heaven in a cup!

–South Beach, Miami

Dumb meatheads to dumb girls: So we’ve got triscuits and flavor‐blasted goldfish back at our condo if you want to come with us.

–Siesta Beach, Florida

Meathead #1: I was so wasted last night.
Meathead #2: Yeah?
Meathead #1: My girlfriend showed me pictures of me making out with a dude.
Meathead #2: Yeah, I think that was me. 

–Revere Beach, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Tom

Shirtless meathead #1: This is awesome. We should start a shirts‐off club.
Shirtless meathead #2: Yeah. We could call it ‘Shirtless in Seattle.‘
Shirtless meathead #3: But we don’t live in Seattle. 

–Dewey Beach, Delaware

Blonde: Wait, do Jewish people burn or tan?
Meathead: Well, some are pasty and some are really dark.
Blonde: Yeah, ’cause, like, she’s Jewish and she gets a tan. I came into work the other day and my hair was curly, and everyone was like, ‘Whoa!’ But then I told them I’m half‐Jewish, so they understood.

–Manchester by the Sea, Massachusetts

Overheard by: i burn and i’m not

Jock: Don’t diabetics have to check their pH level?

–Long Beach, New York

Meathead: God, there are an awful lot of bums here.
Ditzy girl: I know. But think about it, being a bum in San Diego is totally smart. It’s never cold, and they can just sleep on the beach, and the church around the corner from my house feeds them for free every day. They’ve got it made!
Meathead: Totally. Being a bum here must rock. If I ever need to, I’m gonna be a bum here.
Ditzy girl: I know. I don’t know why people would be bums anywhere else. I mean, how stupid. If you’re gonna be homeless, do it in San Diego. Duh.

–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: American Goods

Teen meathead #1: What are you?
Teen meathead #2: 100% Italian.
Teen meathead #1: Oh, really? That’s mad cool.
Teen meathead #2: Yeah, but my brother is all different things – he’s like Jewish and Irish and stuff.

–Lido Beach West, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: ally

Big jock: We just need to give America back to the Muslims.

–Barceloneta Beach, Barcelona, Spain

Overheard by: Confesed Passerby