Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.
–Charlestown, Rhode Island
Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.
–Charlestown, Rhode Island
Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don’t like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I’m lactose‐intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!
–Venice Beach, California
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #2: Ice cold water, beer! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #1: Yo, we need wigs.
Beach vendor #2: Next time I’m wearing a pirate costume, don’t get it twisted.
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona, aargh!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Woman, buying concert t‑shirt: How do these run? Big? Small?
Salesman: Well, they run a little small so I usually get a bigger size.
Woman: No, no. I have just had liposuction all down my back so I want mine to be really tight.
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: SusanPC
Guy selling beer: Ladies, if your man won’t buy you a beer he ain’t gonna buy you anything else!
Same guy selling beer, an hour later: If you don’t drink beer, you’re gonna die!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Overheard by: Ramen
Out‐of‐shape 50‐something customer: I don’t know, the guys I see riding fixed‐gear bikes are in really good shape.
20‐something bike salesman: That shouldn’t intimidate you; it should inspire you.
–Sag Harbor, New York
Overheard by: the lerpa
Guy selling belly and tongue rings: If you got the hole, we got the thing for it!
–Coney Island, New York
Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
