Glad the condom broke

Grandma: So aren’t you coming to visit me in 3 weeks.
Granddaughter: No, like 2 weeks and 6 days.

–Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Dad to misbehaving child: Do you want chocolate or a slap?

–Nantasket Beach, Massachusetts

Little girl: Grandma, you’re old!
Grandma: How old do you think I am, sweetie?
Little girl: I dunno… like, 16, or something.

–Wilmington, North Carolina

Five‐year‐old as old lady swims by: Grandpa, how much older can a woman get?!

–Harry Wright Lake, Manchester, New Jersey

Overheard by: I Put on More SPF

Tiny mullet kid: Spank the hiney! Spank the hiney!
Surfer passerby: Spank the hiney? Awesome!

–Robert Moses Beach, New York

Five‐year‐old girl to dad humming Lion King theme: Would you please stop singing that song?!
Dad: I can’t get it out of my head.
Five‐year‐old girl: That’s the last time you make me watch that movie with you.

–Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: jeff little

Three‐year‐old girl: I love the bitch!
Mother: Did you just say ‘bitch’? You can’t say that! It’s beach.
Three‐year‐old girl: Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch!
Mother, exasperated: I can hear you!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: jess

Bike kid #1: Where are you going? The girls are coming right back!
Bike kid #2: I’m going to get gum.
Bike kid #1 to bike kid #3: We’re never bringing him to fucking Wawa again!

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: DennyCrane

Three‐year‐old playing kitchen, to adults: Does anyone want a taste of my spicy vagina?

–Lake George, New York

Young boy: This water’s too cold for one of my privates!

–Cunningham Falls, Maryland