Brunette teen: Last time I was here with Tony, we boned. He told me it was fun and romantic and everyone has to have sex on the beach once in their lives. It was the worst. I found sand in my ass for, like, two weeks.
Blonde teen: Ugh, I hate when that happens.
Brunette teen: What?
Blonde teen: It’s a long story, but it involves a sand box.
–Field 6, Jones Beach, New York
Hobo: Happy holidays! Skate or die!
–Pacific Beach Boardwalk, San Diego, California
Overheard by: OB Dave
30-something woman to friend: Was it g-genital problems?
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Kelly
Man on cell: Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady.
–Marine World, Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Keena Burt
Four-year-old boy, winding up long conversation: And so that's why spiders live in your eyeballs. They play in the blood and love to drink dirty water. (pause) Can I have a snack?
–Santa Barbara, California
Toddler: Mom, we are the hermit crabs that are going to change the world.
–Monterey, California
Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!
–Santa Monica, California
Mom, while burying her four-year-old son in the sand: Yo, did you hear what he just said? He said “don't pat too hard or my balls will explode!”
–Rockaway Beach, New York
Overheard by: That's why I'm scared to have kids
Girl to friends on boardwalk: Were you there when that naked guy walked into the shower?!
–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: BGonz
Mom in bikini: She's had an on-and-off boyfriend since september, and it's been nothing but drama. I'm trying to get her to stop answering his calls. He's trouble. He overdosed in October and he hasn't passed a class in four years. One time he called her cell phone from a number that wasn't his, and she asked whose phone he was calling from, and he said, “your house phone.” He sneaked into our house when no one was home!
Mom in one-piece: Maybe you should think about a restraining order.
Mom in bikini: Well…
(phone rings: it's the daughter)
Mom in bikini: No! I told you not to answer his calls! And do not call him back! If you call him back, his mother will go to the police! She called me today and told me they're thinking about taking out a restraining order against you!
–Belmar, New Jersey
