Perhaps a Career As a Schoolmarm, Then

20-something daughter: She’s 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain’t married yet, she ain’t never gonna be.

–Daytona, Florida

Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36

Posted on October 5, 2023
Age and ageing, Family, Florida, Gossip, Marriage, Moms

Instead of Setting Daddy on Fire, Like Usual

Four-year-old girl: Daddy! Why did you knock over my sandcastle?!
Dad: Because you knocked over my sandcastle first.
(dad coolly turns to two-year-old son and begins playing with him)
Four-year-old girl, in hysterics: Daddy! I'm so angry at you!
Mom: Good honey, you're expressing your feelings really well.

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Posted on September 27, 2023
Compliments, Dads, Family, Feelings, Kids, New Hampshire, Questions, Violence

You Have Kids, You Mellow Out

Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Posted on September 4, 2023
Comebacks, Family, Florida, Girls, Gripes, Guys, History, Religion

When He Does Return, Keith Richards Will Have Much to Answer for

Middle-aged lady #1: He keeps calling me on the cell phone telling me he’ll be right there and I’m like, ‘I’ve been waiting 25 years, I’m leaving!’
Middle-aged lady #2: And my poor granddaughter is there, and we’re all hugging on each other…

–Cabrillo Beach, California

Overheard by: confused

Posted on September 3, 2023
California, Default, Family, Feelings, Gripes, Ladies, Time

Will the Empire-Waist Shirt Never Die?

Old lady looking at 30-something lady with a pot belly: Oh, how nice! How far along are you?
30-something lady: I beg ya pardon?
Old lady, smiling: Well, when are you due honey? The baby!
30-something lady: I'm not pregnant! This is how I look!

–South Beach, Miami, Florida

Posted on September 1, 2023
Diet and Weight, Family, Florida, Health & Hygiene, Old folks, Physical Appearance, Questions, Time, Women

…But Jelly Beans Are a Legume.

Concerned granny: You have to get a fruit and a vegetable.
Porky grandson: Candy corn is a vegetable!

–Buffet Restaurant, Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Posted on August 30, 2023
Advice, Diet and Weight, Family, Florida, Food

Someone Has Spit Out Their Gum Right Here in the Middle of This Drawing of a Penis!

Little boy, pointing to large drawing of a penis in the sand: Oh my God, that is disgusting. Dad, look, it’s disgusting!! Dad, do you know what it is?
Dad: Yes.

Mom walks over.

Mom: What is it?

–Popham Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Fitzy

Posted on August 27, 2023
Arts, Dads, Family, Idiots, Kids, Maine, Moms, Penis, Stupidity

Unless There's More to the Story?

Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!

–New Zealand