Family

Mother: Go play with the other kids.
Little boy, reading comic book: I don't want to.
Mother: You're going to have fun! Mike, there's no “i” in “team”!
Little boy: No, but there's an “m” and an “e.”
Father: Well, shit! My kid's smart!

–St. Augustine Beach, Florida

Overheard by: nicky

A dog is humping a newlywed’s leg.

Mother-in-Law: Oh my God, don’t move. I have to get a picture of that!
Son-in-Law: Um…
Mother-in-Law: Okay, I’ve got the camera. Hump away, Curley!

–Lake Superior

Blonde girl: Oh… I had sex with your brother last night.
Brunette girl: Oh, yeah?
Blonde girl: He has a huge cock.
Brunette girl: Oh my god! I know!
Blonde girl: Too bad he has herpes.
Brunette girl: I know…

–Burlington Beach, Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Alrighty…..

Mom, trying to take a photo: Hug your sister or we're going home.

–Boca Raton, Florida

Overheard by: John

Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Tigertail

Kayaking girl #1: Mom, where do we go?
Kayaking mom: Oh, why don't we go to the other side of the island?
Kayaking girl #2: No, we can't! I heard they had guns and spears over there–I don't wanna get shot!

–Sugarbay, St. Thomas, South Africa

Overheard by: yams

White trash mother to crying infant: Would you stop being such an asshole? Jesus, you’re just a selfish bastard like your father.

–Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: girl in bikini pretending to read

B&B owner to guests: Do you two have children?
Female guest: Oh no, not yet. That’s why we are here!
B&B owner (blushing) walking away: Oh! Well, I’m glad we could help!
Guest (softly, mortified): I meant we have more time without kids!

–Bed & Breakfast, Galveston Island, Texas

Elderly woman: You know your cousin Wyatt? He's into history as well. And he is positively obsessed with World War II. The Nazi regime, camps, he is an expert!
Girl: That's really creepy, grandma.

–Tampa, Florida

Woman in large family group, to waitress: What else is in crab meat?

–Seafood House, Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Pass the Old Bay, please.