Southern blonde to older, female family members: Aaaah, there’s a bee in my titties!
(commotion ensues)
Sketchy guy, loudly: I’ll look for it if you want.

–San Juan Beach, Puerto Rico

Grandma: So aren’t you coming to visit me in 3 weeks.
Granddaughter: No, like 2 weeks and 6 days.

–Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Boy #1: So “home run” means “married with babies”?
Boy #2: Yeah, but I like Grand Slams the best.

–Penfield Beach, Connecticut

Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can’t have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?

–Huntington Beach, California

Girl on cell: Don’t be worried! Incest is totally in this season.

–Tampa, Florida

Small child to mother as they watch hermit crabs: Mommy, are these the same kind of crabs Daddy brought home before we left?

–Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: Rick

Teen meathead #1: What are you?
Teen meathead #2: 100% Italian.
Teen meathead #1: Oh, really? That’s mad cool.
Teen meathead #2: Yeah, but my brother is all different things – he’s like Jewish and Irish and stuff.

–Lido Beach West, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: ally

Mother, holding one son in the ocean and calling another on shore: See? The water’s fantastic. You have nothing to worry about.
Four‐year‐old son, crying: I don’t want to die here!

–Palm Beach, Aruba

Guy sharing Ferris wheel with family: Good thing they fixed this cart, it was broken yesterday.
Old lady: Have you ever been slapped by a complete stranger?

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: girl #1

Man, carrying two hands full of knives: Knives for sale! Knives for sale! 100 dollars! Getting tired of your brother, your cousin, your mother‐in‐law? Knives for sale! You feeling suicidal? Knives! Knives for sale! 100 dollars!

–Montego Bay, Jamaica

Overheard by: Elle