Daughter, to mom: So how do you know when to just lay there and when to beat them off?

–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California

Granddaughter: Did you have fun in Hong Kong?
Grandma: Well, yes, there was a lot of Asian food.
Grandpa: And the people were all shorter than you!
Granddaughter: Really…

–Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia

Guy #1: Nice tie.
Guy #2: Yeah, I got it from a relative.
Little girl: No, you didn’t, Daddy. You got it from me.

–White Rock Beach, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: Dan‐Mission, B.C.

Seven‐year‐old: Dude, your sister needs hotter friends.
Friend: Well, there’s the blond one.
Seven‐year‐old: What’s her name?
Friend: I forget.
Seven‐year‐old: Dude! If they’re hot, you remember their names!

–Ocean Beach, New Jersey

Guy to woman: I’m not going to have a nervous breakdown like you did, and I’m not going to have irritable bowl syndrome like John. I’m going to visit mom less often.

–Manhattan Beach, New York

Mom to young child eating a Popsicle: Stop putting that in your mouth! It’s done, there’s nothing left.
Young woman nearby: That’s what he said.

–Long Beach Island, New Jersey

Overheard by: Tara

Woman: I think I just heard thunder… do you think it’s gonna rain soon?
Lifeguard, looking into clear sky: Mmm… yeah. You might want to leave soon. It’s probably gonna rain any minute now.
Woman: Oh, OK. Hey, kids! Let’s go! It looks like it’s gonna rain!

–Caroga Lake, New York

Overheard by: Marc Wiley

Girl #1: Things happen for a reason, you know.
Girl #2: Yeah… It’s probably good that I’m not rich. If I were rich, I’d be such a bitch!
Girl #1: Oh, I know! I’d still love you, but you’d be a total bitch.
Girl #2: Ugh… I can just hear me now: (total val voice) I’m going shopping! (normal voice) Ugh… My dad would spoil me.
Girl #1: I know! My dad too!
Girl #2: Our dads are too nice!
Girl #1: Maybe that’s why god made them poor.
Girl #2: Yeah… He knew we’d be terrible people.

–Nathan’s, Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Wondering if I sound like this to other people

Little boy: Mommy, do you know this?
Mom: What, honey?
Little boy: Do you know this?
Mom: What, honey? I know everything.
Little boy: You’re crazy.
Mom: Yeah, I knew this.

–Provincetown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Just waiting for a lobster roll

Adult son to mom: Thanks for babysitting the kids, ma. You know why I love you?
Rockin granny: Cuz I breastfed you for 12 years?
Ten year old grandson: Oh my god!

–Clearwater Beach, Florida