Canoeing dad, looking back: I think we lost William entirely.
Canoeing guy: Who’s Tyler?

–Blue River, Milltown, Indiana

Brother: I was talking to that couple from Montana, and they said they eat cattails.
Sister: I thought they were vegetarians.

–Puno, Peru

Overheard by: 451

Male: Your kid is eating the sunscreen.
Female: It’s okay, he’s bright on the inside. It’s good for him.

–Pacific Beach, California

Little boy: Mom, who can I bury in the sand?
Mom: Bury yuh fathuh. Start wit’ his mouth.

–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Mother: Stop flicking your ear.
Tween son: I can’t. My ear is so awesome.
Mother: You’re so retarded sometimes.
Tween son: Like dad?

–Orchard Beach, The Bronx, New York

Overheard by: Pinks

Mother to screaming child throwing sachets of sugar: Do that again and you won’t get a babycino.

–Café, Bondi Beach, Australia

Overheard by: GGary

Father: Okay okay okay, let’s go now.
Tween daughter #1: Why? We have company! Can’t we stay?
Father: I have no coverage here. I have calls to make. I have to work. No work, no play, no food, no house, no fun, no beach, no vacation.
Tween daughter #2: No beach?
Father: How do you think this beach got here? My hard work.

–Nauset Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: amazed observer

Mother to daughter reading a running magazine: Which is harder, running on a treadmill…
Daughter, yelling: Your mum!

–Tampa, Florida

Crabby mom to sugared‐up five‐year‐old: Fine! Tell your daddy I said you were shark bait. Just please sit down or, I swear to God, you will be!

–South Padre Island, Texas

Overheard by: airwav

Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I’ve got a fucking five‐year‐old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!

–The Hamptons, New York