Girl: What is that?!
Guy, flipping it over: Oh my God. Are those eye sockets?
Girl: Ewww. That’s no jellyfish.
Guy: It looks like an alligator head.
Girl: But alligators aren’t in salt water. Maybe it got lost?
Guy: Look it has a…spine?
Girl: But a head wouldn’t have a-
Woman sitting nearby: -It’s a chicken breast. I just threw it out.
Girl and Guy: Oh.
–St. Augustine, Florida
Overheard by: Cristen
Tween in one-piece: Amber’s parents let her wear a bikini.
Dad: But her parents love her.
Teen brother: No, they don’t. She’s just a 10-year-old slut.
–Lake Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canadia
Overheard by: Jenny
Tanned girl: That’s not tanning lotion. That’s brown paint.
Pale girl: Well, it cost me $80 so it better get me your color. Besides, it says Tahitian women have been using it for years!
Tanned girl: Yeah, and Tahitian women have been having syphilis for years, too.
–Sporting Beach Club, Beirut, Lebanon
Overheard by: Nicolien
Bitchy friend: … So then we took a vote, and you’re the biggest slut out of all of us.
Girl: But I’m the only virgin.
Bitchy friend: We know.
–Kingston Beach, Washington
Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
–St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Man #1: Man, I’ve got some sandy nuts. Sannndy nuuuts!
Man #2: Dude, shake it over there. You’re getting your nut-sand all over me.
–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
Overheard by: Daryl
Teen girl #1: Oh, I’m so happy for Candice!* She finally has a normal boyfriend!
Teen girl #2: Oh, that’s nice…Wait, is it that 29-year-old E dealer you guys met at that rave in Chilliwack?
Teen girl #1: Yes!
Long pause.
Teen girl #1: Well, it’s normal for her, I guess.
–English Bay, Vancouver, British Columbia
Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade.
–Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida
