Comebacks

Baggy-Pants boy #1: I don’t take off my shoes at the beach.
Baggy-Pants boy #2: How are you going to walk in the water?
Baggy-Pants boy #1: I’ll just keep them on. Is there a law that says you have to be barefoot in the ocean?
Baggy-Pants boy #2: No. But there’s a law that says if you do that, you’re gonna look like a jackass.

–Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Lesley

Girl on bike to family on bikes, loudly: I said my arse hurts and he said “mine doesn't, I'm good at taking it!”

–Rottnest Island, Western Australia

Overheard by: Victoria

20-something: You have no imagination.
Teenage brother: Masturbators have more imagination than you!

–Midland Beach, New York

Overheard by: Mr Puff Nubbins

Ditzy chick: What are you doing today?
Skater kid: Chillin’ like a villain.
Other girl: The ’90s called – they want ‘Chillin’ like a villain’ back.
Ditzy chick: How do the ’90s call?

–Ventnor, New Jersey

Wife: Murray! Cover up! Your business is hanging out of your bathing suit!
Husband, nonplussed: That business closed down years ago.

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Larry

Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time.

Guy comes back with a lemon ice.

–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Batwon

Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time.

Guy comes back with a lemon ice.

–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Batwon

6-year-old day camper #1: My favorite is the leopard shark. Is it your favorite, too?
6-year-old day camper #2: Nah, my favorite animals are monsters.

–Birch Aquarium, Scripps Oceanography Institute, La Jolla, California

Overheard by: orly

Girl: If I use cooking oil, do you think I’ll tan twice as fast?
Boy: No, but you’ll probably smell like bacon.

–Corolla, Outer Banks, North Carolina

Overheard by: Mandy

Hobo in wheelchair to boys skating: Bend over!
Boy: If you were tall enough…

–Santa Monica, California