Comebacks

20-something: You have no imagination.
Teenage brother: Masturbators have more imagination than you!

–Midland Beach, New York

Overheard by: Mr Puff Nubbins

Ditzy chick: What are you doing today?
Skater kid: Chillin’ like a villain.
Other girl: The ’90s called – they want ‘Chillin’ like a villain’ back.
Ditzy chick: How do the ’90s call?

–Ventnor, New Jersey

Wife: Murray! Cover up! Your business is hanging out of your bathing suit!
Husband, nonplussed: That business closed down years ago.

–Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Larry

Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time.

Guy comes back with a lemon ice.

–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Batwon

Guy: You look really hot in that bikini.
Girl #1: I’m not really in the mood for flirting today so why don’t you just buy me a lemon ice, I’ll pretend I like you, and we’ll both be on our way.
Guy, as he walks away: Bitch.
Girl #2, walking up to her: Wasn’t that your boyfriend?
Girl #1: Yeah. I’m so tired of him being a dick all the time.

Guy comes back with a lemon ice.

–Boardwalk, Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Batwon

6-year-old day camper #1: My favorite is the leopard shark. Is it your favorite, too?
6-year-old day camper #2: Nah, my favorite animals are monsters.

–Birch Aquarium, Scripps Oceanography Institute, La Jolla, California

Overheard by: orly

Girl: If I use cooking oil, do you think I’ll tan twice as fast?
Boy: No, but you’ll probably smell like bacon.

–Corolla, Outer Banks, North Carolina

Overheard by: Mandy

Hobo in wheelchair to boys skating: Bend over!
Boy: If you were tall enough…

–Santa Monica, California

Dad: What grows in the marsh, baby?
Little girl: Marshmallows?
Dad, to mom: You want her to go to what college?

–Tybee Island, Georgia

Overheard by: Sullivan

Coworker #1: This is a weird song.
Coworker #2, listening to hip hop: You're a weird song.
Coworker #1: He sounds like a child molester.
Coworker #2: You sound like a child molester.

–Long Beach, California