Comebacks

Girl: I had this weird dream about anal sex last night. I think it was from when you were joking around when I was bent over the sink before.
Boy: I wasn’t joking around.

–Bradley Beach, New Jersey

Girl #1, looking at fake sex pills: You should get him this one: “One Large Dose of Lovin’.”
Girl #2: Bitch, it’s going to take more than some candy to get him to fuck me!

–Novelty shop, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Ava

Mother to child, as they leave the beach: You're like walkin', talkin' birth control.

–Brownie Lake, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: Erin Christey

Old lady at car: Henry, wait for me!
Old man carrying beach chairs half a block ahead of her: Dammit, Agnes, I’m going! I’ve been waiting for you for 40 years!

–Beach near Naples, Florida

Overheard by: X

Queer #1: That guy in the blue footy shorts is so hot!
Queer #2: Ewww, Matt, he looks lower class.
Queer #1: We suck cock for a living — you really think we’re classy?
Queer #2: Well, I know I am. I dress in nothing but designer.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: Hot Chick

Girl #1: Don’t go skinny dipping here.
Girl #2: Why not? That blind person is the only guy around.
Blind guy: I’m blind, not deaf. Now I can use the sound of your voice to project an image of you naked in my head. [He pauses for a moment.] It’s not pretty.

–Westhampton Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: amanda fox

Tourist guy: How will we know when we get to the beach?
Bus driver, staring at him: I think you’ll figure it out.

–Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia

Overheard by: SYDNEYGUY

Elderly man, taking picture of his wife on the beach: You look like you're having an orgasm!
Wife: How would you know?

–Pass-A-Grille Beach, Florida

Overheard by: The girl who almost ended up in the picture.

Mom (to son #1): That's not all you're carrying! Take more. (to son #2) Good job, genius, you got sand in the cooler! (to both sons) Say goodbye to the beach, you'll never see it again.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mikey

Little boy: I like pizza!
Older guy: Me too.
Little boy: I eat pizza in a garbage pail!

–Sun & Surf Beach Club, Atlantic Beach, New York

Overheard by: Kristen