Health & Hygiene

Preggers: They really shouldn’t let fat people go here. It’s disgusting with their stomachs all poking and out and shit. At least make them wear a shirt!
Other chick: You’re seven months pregnant and wearing a bikini. Doesn’t that include you, too?
Preggers: Shut up, bitch. Of course I don’t count. Guys dig sexy pregnant women.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Glynnis O

Worker #1: Did you just fart?
Worker #2: No, I belched.

–Solana Beach, California

Little boy: Daddy, look what I found in the sand!
Father: Don’t touch it. I don’t know what it is, but don’t touch it.

–Jungle Gym, Coney Island Beach, New York

Girl #1: Do you want to come run with me?
Girl #2: Yeah, just let me finish this cigarette.
Girl #1: Yeah. I think I’ll have one, too. It loosens up your lungs.

–Dewey Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Steve

Girl #1: I get so many freckles in the sun.
Girl #2: Yeah, I am so going to get cancer in 2 years. I have so much sun damage.
Girl #3: Um, actually freckles just mean that your skin is working.

–Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Jackie

Drag queen, dressed as a princess with a mop: Come in and have a drink! Best place around!
Straight girl: What are you cleaning?
Drag queen: Girl, it gets messy around here, can't you see? (proceeds to use mop on girl's glasses)

–Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Cordelia

Toddler grumpily trudging through the sand: Change my diaper!

–Island Park State Beach, New Jersey

Teen girl with hands on stomach: Why do skinny girls get the bloat?
Mom: Is that what you call it?

–Nauset Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Blanket Once Removed

Fake tanned, bleach blonde woman loudly into phone: I mean, have you seen Alice lately? Forget the Brazilian wax, she needs to have the whole South American!

–Manly Beach, Sydney

Overheard by: anotherpassenger

Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!

–Hawaii

Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us