Health & Hygiene

Little girl: If a pig spits in your eye, you'll get the flu.

–Takapuna Beach, Auckland, New Zealand

Black guy to puking white guy: Yup, I know what that's like. I do that every morning, brother!

–Long Beach, Long Island, New York

70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?

–Palm Coast, Florida

Girlfriend: Hey, do you know I heard down in Brazil they, like, mix sand in with their suntan lotion so that it exfoliates their skin?
Boyfriend: That’s fucking stupid.
Girlfriend: Tell me about it! I tried it last year and got a nasty rash. So this year I’m using sand and baby oil.

–Waikiki Beach, Hawaii

Overheard by: Neeri

Blonde: Hey, can you look at my butt? Do I have blood on my butt?
Guy: Uh, what?
Blonde: I have my period — I just want to make sure I don’t have blood on my butt.
Guy: What? Ew.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: Sarah

Tourist dad: Great communication, guys. Now I had to walk out here and get my feet all sandy.

–Ogunquit, Maine

Bag lady: Weren't you gonna wash yo' hair?
Hobo: That was las' week!
Bag lady: Well, didja?
Hobo: No.

–Miami, Florida

Overheard by: larry

Teenage girl #1: To make a long story short, she was pretty pissed that they removed the wrong one.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah… But either way it was probably an improvement.

–Huntington Beach, California

40-year-old woman to friend: Yeah, they told me I can only have solid liquids for a week.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Teen girl #1: Remember when Paul and Diane had sex at the beach last year?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, that shit’s so gross. Have you seen this water?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, there’s so much nasty shit in here.
Teen girl #2: That’s why I’ll only have sex at Jones — it’s much cleaner.
Teen girl #1: Def.

–Rockaway, New York

Overheard by: A. D.