Health & Hygiene

Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.

–East Hampton, New York

Overheard by: I'll never swim again

Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.

–Pacific Beach, California

Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.

–Santander, Spain

Overheard by: Murray

Skinny girl: Yeah, but why does he always have to spit on me afterwards?

–Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

Overheard by: Grossed Out

Girl to friend: I've been so tired and hungry lately.
Friend: Maybe you're pregnant.
Girl: That's not funny at all. I'm not pro-abortion or anything, but I'd have to terminate that quick.

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: Brittany

Woman walker #1: I would never go out with him–his head is huge, his clothes are always wrinkled, and he doesn't shower.
Woman walker #2: Ugh.
Woman walker #1: Besides, he smokes.
Woman walker #2: But you smoke, too!
Woman walker #1: I know, but I never date smokers.

–Lake Miramar, California

Overheard by: El Meech

Girl to friends: I think the worst thing I ever smelled was my own breath.

–Weirs Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: glad I wasn't downwind of her

Girl: He gets so tan!
Guy: I tell you, you look at his hand and you’d think that man was black!
Girl: You know, his mom’s husband is black. That’s why we tease him about that so much.
Guy: Really? His step-dad is black?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Wouldn’t you be pissed?
Girl: Yeah, well, his mom treats him like shit anyway.

Brief pause.

Girl: I’m rethinking the doctor thing.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Yeah, surgeon or oncologist or whatever I become. I wouldn’t be able to have a family.

–Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: kristen

Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.

–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jade Buddha

Tan chick: But if we go to the spa, I don’t want them to facial my tan away!

–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: hb