Girl in bathroom stall: Eww, the pee on this seat is so bad I can't even wipe it up!
Friend: So don't sit on it.
Girl: I know, but I kinda wanted to poop…gotta do the lean, and it's gonna splash. Oh, wait, hmmmm… It's not there after all! It was a ghost poop.
–Rocks Off Concert Cruise, New York
Chubby middle-aged woman to her male friend: First thing I'm going to do is lose a lot of weight, then I'm gonna get a chemical peel…
–Smith Point, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: geo
Little girl, screaming to mother on an excruciatingly hot day: Mommy, my eyes are sweating!
–Coney Island Beach, New York
Woman: It wasn’t a boob reduction. It was a boob elimination. You know, a man-sectomy.
–Warren Dunes, Lake Michigan
Overheard by: Andrea
Girl: So, like, that Mary was too nice. I swear, if some angel came down and told me I was pregnant with God’s kid, I’d abort it. No immaculate conceptions for me.
–Santa Cruz, California
20-something girl #1: So, she’s pregnant?
20-something girl #2: No, I just didn’t want to sit by the soda machine.
–Warren Dunes, Michigan
Obnoxious girl #1: You must just have an abnormal period or something.
Obnoxious girl #2: Yeah, cause you're definitely not pregnant.
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: j and kris
Mom: You cut your finger on a Cheetoh?
–Hotel pool, Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
Little girl: Mommy! What is that?
Mother: Careful, honey, that’s a crab.
Little girl: Is that the same thing you said Aunt Kathy had last year?
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: Biel
