Health & Hygiene

Amateur oncologist: Having a baby? That’s like growing a tumor with a brain inside of you.

–Good Harbor Beach, Gloucester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: concerned citizens

Girl #1: Yeah, so I joined this great club at school. They went to Peru over spring break to give eye exams.
Girl #2: Oh yeah? That’s kind of far to go for spring break.
Girl #1: I thought so, too. But it’ll be better this year because they’re going to South America instead.

–Fort Lauderdale Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Ava

Concerned passerby: Dude… Are you okay?
Concerned drunk: I appreciate your concern, but you’re standing in my puke.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

20-something girl: Oh my god! I have wrinkles in my cleavage!

–Adelaide, Australia

Overheard by: Oh No

Daughter: Thanks for giving me an aneurysm, Mom.
Mother, under her breath: I wish I’d given you an aneurysm.
Daughter: What?
Mother: Nothing, dear.

–Sea Isle City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Cols

Five-year-old pulling her bottom lip down: I have herpes!

–Seabrook Beach, New Hampshire

Tween #1: So, like, what did you eat in Africa?
Tween #2: Like rice and stuff.
Tween #1: Like white rice or brown rice?
Tween #2: White rice.
Tween #1: Like, ew. You can get so fat from that! Oh my God, is that why those Africans in those picture you have, have huge bellies?
Tween #2: You are beyond retarded!

–Second Beach, Newport, Rhode Island

Nagging wife on bicycle to defeated downtrodden husband on bicycle: The more I talk to you, the more my stomach is getting aggravated… 'cause you're an asshole!

–South Beach Boardwalk, New York

Overheard by: J9 and G-Rod

Girl on bike to family on bikes, loudly: I said my arse hurts and he said “mine doesn't, I'm good at taking it!”

–Rottnest Island, Western Australia

Overheard by: Victoria

Girl #1, shaking off sand: Oh, great, now I’m gonna have to take a shower.
Girl #2: I know, like, what’s with all the sand? Ugh, so annoying.
Girl #1: Are you serious? We’re at the beach.
Girl #2: Huh?

–Stinson Beach, California

Overheard by: einstein lives!