Health & Hygiene

Girl #1: I don’t know what it is…I just think…
Girl #2: …He’s too nerdy?
Girl #1: No, but I think he might have herpes.

–Long Beach, California

Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!

–Crane Beach, Massachusetts

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?

–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.

–South Padre Island, Texas

50‐something woman: My pee was sort of yellowish today!
Younger friend: (nods earnestly)

–Mission Valley, San Diego, California

Overheard by: Thank Goodness!

Guy: I just gave birth to a beach ball, and my wrist is sore.
Girl: It must work differently for guys.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Frenchie

White girl, reviewing nude pictures of Hispanic girl: That’s why I would hate to be darker. Her vagina looks dirty.

–Deerfield Beach, Florida

Jock: Don’t diabetics have to check their pH level?

–Long Beach, New York

Mom (exasperatedly): Come on children, you guys going to give me heart failure!
Six‐year‐old: You going to give yourself heart failure, cause you wouldn’t leave us alone.

–Bridgetown, Barbados