Black guy to friends: Now I can officially say I am the darkest nigga on the beach.

–Carkeek Park, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Onion girl

30-Something business dude: I’ve traveled a lot, man, and I’ve been to Costa Rica, and there are no Indians there. Like, people are educated, and there are people with Master’s degrees driving taxi cabs and stuff!

–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Be-deez nuts

Teen girl #1: Have you been going to church lately?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I found a new church I really like.
Teen girl #1: Really?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, it like smells all creepy, and, like, they speak in tongues. It is really scary, so I will probably go to this one!
Teen girl #1: Cool. Maybe I’ll go with you.

–Shilshole Beach, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Why do those people have goatskins on?

Woman standing waist-deep in water: My labia has atrophied.

–Crescent Lake, Washington

Overheard by: The water really was that cold.

Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t put ‘Let’s meet at Starbucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm-hmmm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm-mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.

–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Brooke

Chick on cell: Yeah, don’t you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? Ewww, why am I dating you?

–Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: hannie bananie

Teen #1: So he’s like, "nuh uh," and I’m like, "uh huh," and he’s like, "nuh uh," and I’m like, "um… uh huh," and he’s like, "nuh uh."
Teen #2: No way!
Teen #1: Way.

–Golden Gardens, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Translater Please!

Girl to friend: Swimming without lifeguards is awesome. There's nobody to say, “hey, no splash fights”, or “you can't have that fifth of vodka in the water!”

–Madison Beach, Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Also Drinking

Hipster teen on cell: No, dude, I'm not sober. I'm totally drunk and I have to babysit in less than an hour!

–Alki Beach, Seattle, Washington

Girl #1: Does Lance have a big peepee?
Girl #2: Yes, all the girls in town know! Ask his ex Barb.

–Kirkland, Washington

Overheard by: mike hunt