Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?
–Plum Island, Massachusetts
Tan chick: But if we go to the spa, I don’t want them to facial my tan away!
–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hb
Ugly teen girl: Don’t compromise your morals! That’s the thing about debate camp. It makes people attractive that you wouldn’t normally find attractive.
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: glad I chose soccer camp
Seven-year-old boy: Dad! Dad! Dad! It’s time to go back to the room. I need to put on underwear — I’m starting to chafe!
Dad: Good for you. Now go back out there and deal [continues smoking his cigar].
–21st Street Beach, Ocean City, Maryland
Vendor: Hey, buy some pizza!
Chick: I don’t like bread.
Vendor: Then just eat the cheese!
Chick: I’m lactose-intolerant.
Vendor: Fro-zen yo-gurt!
–Venice Beach, California
Big mama in bathroom stall with daughter: Hurry up and pee!
Young girl: Mommy, I can’t pee with other people around!
Big mama: Honey, if and when you go to jail, you gonna hafta pee in front of other people.
–Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Riley
Girl, wearing lifeguard swimsuit and applying sunblock: Do my hole… NO! My back hole!
–Sacandaga Lake, New York
Overheard by: sherpa
Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm… Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?
–Echo Lake, Maine
Girl: You have to take your shoes off to walk in the sand.
Guy: I’ll wait until we find a spot.
Girl: What? Walking in the sand with your shoes is like fucking your mom and not cleaning up afterwards.
Guy: Okay, okay!
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: JD
