New Zealand

Drunk guy to others: Imagine how long it would take to fuck a spider. It would take ages!

–Dunedin, New Zealand

Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!

–New Zealand

Little girl: If a pig spits in your eye, you'll get the flu.

–Takapuna Beach, Auckland, New Zealand

20-something girl on cell: The baby-changing room?! That's horrid!

–Interislander Ferry, New Zealand

Overheard by: Sally

Young male Australian tourist on cell: We've already been to a service station and a McDonald's, which is different.

–Rotorua, New Zealand

Overheard by: exactly how different to McDonald's in Australia?

Old lady: This isn’t a nude beach!
Young lady, sunbathing topless and feigning surprise: Oh, really? Oh, okay…

–Auckland, New Zealand

Overheard by: Shakira

Man, hearing seagulls: Wolves!

–Upper Hutt, New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

11-year-old Korean boy to 11-year-old Egyptian boy: You live in pyramid and you mummy!

–Christchurch, New Zealand

Overheard by: novalis

Tour coach driver, gesturing to McDonald's restaurant further down the road: Aaaaand coming up ahead are the golden arches of the American embassy.

–TehanuNui, Nelson, New Zealand

Overheard by: Makenzie

Kid #1: After this, we should sunbathe.
Kid #2: I don't want to sunbathe.
Kid #1: Why?
Kid #2: I just don't.
Kid #1: But then you can get a tan!
Kid #2: I don't want a tan.
Kid #1: Why?
Kid #2: Because it sounds like “sand,” and I hate sand.

–Camping Ground, Kerikeri, New Zealand

Overheard by: Kelly