Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?
–San Francisco, California
Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?
–San Francisco, California
Ditz #1: I would love to be a Buddhist.
Ditz #2: Yeah, it’s really spiritual.
Ditz #1: Yeah, all the meditating and stuff…
Ditz #2: Yeah…
Ditz #1: … But not a full Buddhist — that would be boring.
Ditz #2: Yeah, just do it for the yoga and stuff.
–Jetty Road, Glenelg, Australia
[Three ten-year-old boys cycling past the beach.]Boy #1: Why you going so fast?!
Boy #2: [Missing front teeth, which makes him lisp.] Becauth he wath fucking her latht night!
Boy #3: What?!!!
–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: They grow up quickly these days!
Sunbathing girl: Ahhh! Burning sensation!
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kristin
Hot chick: Like, oh my god, Sarah — just Google ‘How an ugly girl can seduce a hot guy.’
Ugly chick: What’s so good about Google anyway?
Hot chick: Like, oh my god — it’s like, well… Google!
–Glenelg, Australia
Mom hands little boy a hot dog.
Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.
20-ish blonde: What time is it in Florida?
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Girl #1: Man, I think I got a yeast infection from that dude.
Girl #2: That fucking sucks.
Girl #1: Tell me about it. Getting laid is killing my sex life.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: hillary claire
Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!
–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny
