Chick: I don’t know why you wanted to come to a nudist beach… It’s all old, gay, wrinkled men here. They’re all staring at me and the water is so cold — you look teeny.
Dude: I know, I should have just had you walk around naked at home.
–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.
–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The JAP
Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don’t!
–Discovery Bay, California
Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?
–San Francisco, California
Sweaty dude on boardwalk: I wrote a poem the other day. Wanna hear it?
Sweaty female companion, jogging away: Aw, hell no!
–Tampa, Florida
Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!
–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny
Girl #1: But then I thought, ‘Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?’
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you.
–Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: J.Tro
Anorexic JAP #1: You look really good in that new swimsuit.
Anorexic JAP #2: I wish I could say the same to you, but you look a little pugdy around the hips.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why don’t you just do what I did? Lie.
–Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: JAP
Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
