Animals

Bimbette tourist #1, about sea lions play-fighting: Oh my god, look at those seals! That big one just, like, knocked the smaller one off the wood thing!
Bimbette tourist #2: That is so mean. I hope the little one, like, kicks his ass in the end.
Local: They’re just play-fighting. It’s a show of dominance.
Bimbette tourist #1: But he pushed him off! He so wasn’t kidding. I could tell.
Bimbette tourist #2: Seriously. God, how can you just excuse him acting like that? Not cool.
Local, muttering: Fucking tourists…

–Fisherman’s Wharf, San Francisco, California

Overheard by: an amused local

Mom to four-year-old son and two-year-old daughter: When that bird shits on you, I'm gonna laugh.

–Madeira Beach, Florida

Overheard by: touched by an uncle

Girl to friends: You know what tastes great? Scrambled chicken abortions…

–Tampa, Florida

Boundary-Conscious chick: Oh my God, why is that seagull here? I thought this was a private beach!

–Westhampton Beach, New York

Girl #1, looking at sand dunes: Look! A rabbit!
Girl #2: Rabbits can't breath under water.
Girl #3: Sea hare!

–Salt Mantra, NSW Australia

Stoned surfer #1: Sharks never attack people unless you, like, swim around with a bloody, severed leg tied around your neck.
Stoned surfer #2: Yeah, or like a severed arm or a dead monkey or something.

–Bolinas, California

Little boy: Guess what?
Man: What?
Little boy: On the count of three, I’m going to turn into a dinosaur.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Ever

Little boy: Mommy, dolphins don't have gills!
Mom: Yes they do, honey; all fishes have gills.

–Hawaii

Overheard by: Sarah

Shopping woman #1: I really like the crabs.
Shopping woman #2: Oh, me too. The crabs are great.

–Duck, North Carolina

Overheard by: Better you than me

Little boy to friend: Ryan, do you want this hermit crab to pinch your nipples now or later?

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Overheard by: MsKrabs