Animals

Delighted five-year-old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five-year-old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five-year-old: No! He’s dead!

–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island

Sister: Would you like to see some sea life?
Brother, pointing at three women sunbathing topless: Eww, this isn’t Europe!
Sister: Eli, just look away.

–Rockway Beach, NY

Hippie, to the cat he is walking on a leash: Did you eat my pot?

–Ocean Beach, San Diego

Attitude woman: The one with the most gets crowned King or Queen.
Flippant woman: Okay, crowns sure, but the part about being drenched in pig blood and killing everyone in the gymnasium remains unspoken.

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: nan moran

Guido mom to small boy holding a horseshoe crab: Eww! What is that?
Random Guido: Is it a stingray?
Guido mom: Do stingrays even live in the ocean?

–Belmar, New Jersey

Guido mom to small boy holding a horseshoe crab: Eww! What is that?
Random Guido: Is it a stingray?
Guido mom: Do stingrays even live in the ocean?

–Belmar, New Jersey

College student #1: Why are they letting their dog in the water with a leash?
College student #2: So it doesn't fly away!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Girl in the ocean to onshore friend: Come out here! I'm like The Little Mermaid without Sebastian! I don't even have flounder!
Girl on shore: (shakes head no)
Girl in the ocean: Come on! You've seen Baywatch! Jog!

–Smith's Point, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Andi

Cute toddler to friends: Whoever has a dog, raise your hand… so I can murder it!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: Willy

Little kid: Mommy, what are those squishy things that hang by big, round balls?
Mom: Are you talking about jellyfish and tentacles?
Little kid: Yeah, that’s it: testicles.

–Huntington Beach, Surf City, California