Fast and the Furious 4: Barnyard Slide

Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: K

Posted on October 20, 2023
Animals, Crime, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Maryland, On the phone, Weirdness

The Lord Generally Ignores Fast-Food Prayers

Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries!

–St. Peterburg Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Posted on October 12, 2023
Animals, Florida, Food, Kids, Moms, Questions, Tourists, Wishes

What's the Answer That Won't Have You Thinking I'm Gay?

Guy to girl: I have a wiener dog that is a pain in the ass!
Girl: Is that supposed to be a pun?

–Tampa, Florida

Posted on October 2, 2023
Animals, Florida, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Words

Nerds Have Trouuble Losing Their Virginity; They Keep Taking Their Eyes Off the Prize

Drunk guy to others: Imagine how long it would take to fuck a spider. It would take ages!

–Dunedin, New Zealand

Posted on September 22, 2023
Animals, Drunks, New Zealand, Sex, Time

Let's Hope They Keep Trying This Before They Have a Chance to Reproduce

Amateur marine biologist #1: Why are they called jellyfish?
Amateur marine biologist #2: They taste like jelly. Duh.
Amateur marine biologist #1: Blueberry jelly?
Amateur marine biologist #2: I dunno. Taste it.
Amateur marine biologist #1, moments later: Cherry.

–Chesapeake Bay

Posted on September 19, 2023
Animals, Food, Idiots, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Virginia, Weirdness

Shark: This Job Just Keeps Getting Harder

Blonde: Oh my god, I’ve been watching ‘Shark Week’ on TV, and this guy got his hand bitten off. It was crazy! It was a show about survivors, and they showed the scars and everything!
Brunette: That is crazy. I don’t know how I’d live without my hands. I’d rather have the shark bite off my arm.

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on September 1, 2023
Animals, Bimbettes, Body parts, Stupidity, Virginia

The One Who Wrote Me This Stinging Letter

Man, ranting: …and then there's the fucking chicken!

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: I always have that problem…

Posted on August 24, 2023
Animals, California, Guys, Insults

Mr. and Mrs. Lecter Rarely Refused Hannibal Anything

Four-year-old boy, winding up long conversation: And so that's why spiders live in your eyeballs. They play in the blood and love to drink dirty water. (pause) Can I have a snack?

–Santa Barbara, California