Animals

Woman: Do you think Otto* will get a complex because everyone always says "good dog" to him?
Man: I don’t think he cares.

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: downtown

Drunk woman to woman coming out of water with snorkeling mask: Oh, I was thinking about getting one of those! Is it worth the money?
Woman in mask: Absolutely! There's tons of sea urchins, coral, plants, fish…
Drunk woman: Tropical?

–Atlantis Resort Cove Beach, Bahamas

Overheard by: Maggie

20-something man: Those seagulls sound like your orgasm!
Girlfriend, gesturing at teenagers: Shh! There are little girls over there!

–Michigan

Three-year-old girl using towel as a cape and chasing seagull: I’m prettier than you! I’m prettier than you!

–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California

Overheard by: you’re very tan

White girl, about black girl’s cat in her lap: I love your cat! Scratch that… I love your pussy!
Black girl: Haha! Yes, my big, black pussy is awesome!
White girl: I love to stroke your pussy. It’s so soft.
Guy: Your pussy vibrates when you touch it! [Cat jumps away and goes to the window.]Black girl: Sometimes my pussy gets lonely and likes to go stare out the window.
Guy: Damn! Everyone can see your big, black pussy from that window! Shameful!
White girl: Maybe your pussy needs some attention.
Black girl: Nah! Nobody wants a black pussy!
White girl: That ain’t true! Lots of people do!
Black girl: No! Everyone loves a white pussy! … You should bring out yours.
White girl: My pussy isn’t white… It’s brown with orange speckles.
Guy: Ew!

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Kelly

Guy #1: Hey, what if you had a donkey? Haha.
Guy #2: Yeah, if I had a donkey. Haha. If I had a donkey and you had a rooster, haha.
Guy #1: Exactly.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Wet swimmer staring at recently caught shark: Did you catch that here?

–Tybee Island Pier, Savannah, Georgia

Overheard by: Shane

Wet swimmer staring at recently caught shark: Did you catch that here?

–Tybee Island Pier, Savannah, Georgia

Overheard by: Shane

Little brother: Aren't you glad we watched Shark Week when we were in North Carolina and not like, last night?
Big brother (sarcastically): Yeah. Great. Because sharks never come here.
Little brother: Well, at least it's not Florida. Or South Africa.

–Avon, New Jersey

Child: Mommy, do the fish come from the ocean or the country club?

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts