If Only There Was a Way We Could Both Get What We Want

Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.

–Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: Matilda

Posted on November 9, 2023
Body parts, California, Compare and contrast, Girls, Physical Appearance, Questions, Rack, Sex, Time, Weirdness, Wishes, Women

When I Was Supposed to Be Attending My Daughter's Graduation

58-year-old woman: I executed 23 successful ops in my Utopia game last night.

–Holden Beach, North Carolina

Posted on October 25, 2023
Internet, North Carolina, Weirdness, Women

I Prefer, "Once More Onto the Beach, Dear Friends!"

Woman: If you get pulled out by a rip tide you shouldn't even bother to fight it, right? Because you're already dead.
Man: She's giving herself a pep talk.

–Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: beach comber

Posted on October 22, 2023
Advice, Death, Guys, New York, Weirdness, Women

His Cologne? History Channel No. 5.

Elderly woman: You know your cousin Wyatt? He's into history as well. And he is positively obsessed with World War II. The Nazi regime, camps, he is an expert!
Girl: That's really creepy, grandma.

–Tampa, Florida

Posted on October 9, 2023
Family, Florida, Girls, History, Old folks, Weirdness, Women

Raise Your Hand If You're Sick Of Eminem

Sweaty dude on boardwalk: I wrote a poem the other day. Wanna hear it?
Sweaty female companion, jogging away: Aw, hell no!

–Tampa, Florida

Posted on October 3, 2023
Arts, Comebacks, Florida, Guys, Offers and requests, Women

He's Kinda Gone Off Me Since He Broke My Seal

Guy #1: What I can’t understand is, $5,000 an hour for a hooker? How good can pussy be?
Woman #1: And where did he get that kind of money on a public official’s salary?
Guy #2: He could have cruised tenth avenue and gotten the same poontang for twenty bucks.
Woman #2: I don’t have to worry about Frank going to hookers. He won’t even use a bottle of ketchup if it’s already been opened.

–Italian Restaurant, Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on September 15, 2023
Compare and contrast, Default, Friends, Guys, Jobs & careers, Money, New York, Offers and requests, Politics, Sex, Vagina, Women

Will the Empire-Waist Shirt Never Die?

Old lady looking at 30-something lady with a pot belly: Oh, how nice! How far along are you?
30-something lady: I beg ya pardon?
Old lady, smiling: Well, when are you due honey? The baby!
30-something lady: I'm not pregnant! This is how I look!

–South Beach, Miami, Florida