Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
–St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.
–St Avalon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Himbo
Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade.
–Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida
Middle-aged woman to another, watching opera-singing karaoke street performer: I dunno… I say she's retarded.
–Laguna Beach, California
Overheard by: Fixed Address Local
Bald man to baby on blanket (in baby voice): Do you have somethin' to say? Are you thinkin'? Are you thinkin'? Yes you are.
Woman next to him: He's pooping.
Bald man: Are you poopin'? Are you poopin'? Yes you are!
–Sunset Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Emma
Woman: Can I rent a beach chair?
Lifeguard (just off duty on the last day of the season): Fuck you, dumb cunt.
–Panama City Beach, Florida
Frantic Italian woman to toddler walking along shore: Stay away from the waves! Stay away from the waves!
–Seawatch Beach, Manasquan, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mimi
Fat half-naked lady, walking up to a random lady and her kid: I'm about to burst!
–Cocoa Beach, Florida
Overheard by: would not like to be there when it happens
Overly sunburned woman: Oh, hey, look! A two-legged race!
–Aruba
Overheard by: Amused
Middle aged woman: And, like, you can just tell he doesn't truly love her or respect her as a woman because he lets her go out like that. I mean, my husband will always tell me to put a t-shirt on under something that's too low-cut, 'cause he doesn't want anyone staring. Now he loves me.
–Malibu, California
