Cop: Did they not know there was a Koala bear stuck in the grill of their car?
–Saint Petersburg, Florida
Black girl with southern accent: If the world ends it's dem negro's fault.
–Tampa, Florida
Girl (pointing to sign on lifeguard tower): Hah! I thought that said “Dying is dangerous and prohibited” for a sec.
Guy: You're crazy. It says “diving!”
Girl: (pause) I know. But.. oh, whatever.
Lifeguard: Yes–we have a very strict policy… No dying!
–Corona Del Mar Beach, California
Overheard by: Dee
Guy #1: He had his keys on the table, and a squirrel took 'em.
Guy #2: Hehehe!
Guy #1: A squirrel!
–Pacifica, California
Overheard by: M.E.
Guy #1: He had his keys on the table, and a squirrel took 'em.
Guy #2: Hehehe!
Guy #1: A squirrel!
–Pacifica, California
Overheard by: M.E.
Teen girl to teen boy: Well, it ain't gonna lick itself!
–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Mother: Do you know how dogs introduce themselves to each other?
Eight-year-old daughter: No, how?
Mother: They sniff each other's butts.
–Guam
Overheard by: Nadine
Drunk girl: I think I am sexually attracted to fire.
Sober girl: Yeah…let me know how that goes.
Drunk girl: It burns, but I gotta admit I love the smell of burning pubic hair in the morning.
–Gold Coast, Australia
Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!
–Crane Beach, Massachusetts
Incredibly preppy college student: Oh my god! We're on the bus! This is where the magic happens!
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Bemused High School Student
