Drunk guy to others: Imagine how long it would take to fuck a spider. It would take ages!
–Dunedin, New Zealand
Drunk guy to others: Imagine how long it would take to fuck a spider. It would take ages!
–Dunedin, New Zealand
Guy #1: What I can’t understand is, $5,000 an hour for a hooker? How good can pussy be?
Woman #1: And where did he get that kind of money on a public official’s salary?
Guy #2: He could have cruised tenth avenue and gotten the same poontang for twenty bucks.
Woman #2: I don’t have to worry about Frank going to hookers. He won’t even use a bottle of ketchup if it’s already been opened.
–Italian Restaurant, Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Queer looking at screaming queer in water: Maybe I’m not gay.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: laughing entirely too much
Girl #1: I mean, why would he register as a Republican only to vote in the primary?
Girl #2: Ugh… Gross! You are not allowed to fuck a Republican!
–UCSD, California
Overheard by: Holiday
Brunette teen: Last time I was here with Tony, we boned. He told me it was fun and romantic and everyone has to have sex on the beach once in their lives. It was the worst. I found sand in my ass for, like, two weeks.
Blonde teen: Ugh, I hate when that happens.
Brunette teen: What?
Blonde teen: It’s a long story, but it involves a sand box.
–Field 6, Jones Beach, New York
Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!
–New Zealand
Preppy girl: So about this swine flu thing… like, who would want to have sex with a pig?
–Melbourne, Australia
Overheard by: Kermit
Girlfriend: Hey, wanna have sex in the water later?
Boyfriend: Of course.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kristy Y
Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Stephanie Wall
Girl: I’m a backpacker, not a real whore.
–Coogee Beach, Sydney, Australia
